Good Hair and Bad Behavior

I know I've blogged quite a bit about appearance, from Sarah Palin's glasses to Oprah's affinity for the Dove campaign... but I am here to say that I can recognize that beauty is often only skin deep.

In fact, I have a new theory to pass along to the blogosphere, and it's merely an extension on the idea that beauty is only skin deep. My theory is: "If a man has a full head of hair, he's up to no good." It is a theory that is full of Tiger Lily potential: A full head of hair = a lack of character. Here's what I'd like to show as my evidence:

Blagojevich. Wire tapping accuses Rod of selling Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder. His reply, "I will fight this, I will fight this, I will fight this." He gets away with everything; he has good hair. Who can blame him for being defiant?

Clinton. He did not have sexual relations with that woman; he's got such great hair, he's just can't help it. There must be a reason people called him "Slick Willy."

John Edwards. Just too beautiful and smiley. He was so good-looking and suave, I knew something wasn't right.

Tim Tebow-- I don't know why, maybe because I'm an Oklahoma fan, but I really feel like something is off with Tim, and we know it's not his hair. He's just too perfect. Mark my words. Goodbye Gators, hello NFL and all the no-good possibilities.

Madoff. Now, I know this is a stretch, but look at how he is growing out his hair in the back. He must know the advantage of good hair and has decided to grow it out for his trial.

Maybe this is just a coincidence, or maybe we should start being weary of men with good hair. I'm just reporting my theory. And much like my theory that the odd numbered years are better than the even numbered ones, (yahoo! here comes 2009) there will be exceptions to the rule. Maybe it's just a coincidence that all of these "bad boys" have such great hair. But maybe not. Tiger Lily to good hair. It just brings about bad behavior.

Irreplaceable?... I think not.

Move over Beyoncé, here comes Sasha Fierce.

For those of you that don't know, I feel in love with Beyoncé Knowles on my Honeymoon, November 2006. (She is second only to my one true love, Elvis, not counting Matt.) Between sitting at the beach, eating ice cream and lounging by the pool, I found some time to watch a video-countdown where I was introduced to the Number #1 Hit Song: "Irreplaceable." I immediately became a huge Beyoncé fan, bought her album, put "Bootylicious" on my ipod and even rented "Dream Girls."

Following our introduction, I became an admirer of her coolness. She had style, she kept her private life private, and she dated Jay-Z, who with, coincidentally, I share a birthday. I followed her every move through People and was so excited when those two crazy kids got married! It was a beautiful ceremony where she asked all of the guests to wear white-- ultra style points to B.

Then, this past Saturday night, I cozied into bed a a little later than planned, realizing that I was missing Saturday Night Live where Beyoncé would be the guest musician. I only caught her last song performance, but I felt like maybe I was missing something. Maybe in the introduction, she explained why she was wearing a Rockette-swimsuit outfit. Maybe she explained why one of her back-up dancers was painfully white and had no rhythm. Maybe she explained why the "new" song, "Single Ladies. (Put a Ring on It)" sounded just like five of her other songs from the B-Day album with different words. I turned off the set and went to bed, confused and a little worried about her lack of taste and judgement.

(The outfits look just like this, without the hat. To get a better idea, you'll have to watch the hilarious spoof SNL did of her "Single Ladies" video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TegjiG2mrzI)

But, like all of us who are in love, I let it slip my mind and went on to church the next day without giving it another thought.

Then, Monday morning, I got the text message from my friend, Carrie: "Beyoncé has a new alter ego named Sasha Fierce. Watch out. Just thought since she was your hero, you should know."

Devastated. Apparently, when I wasn't paying attention, Beyoncé decided to release the album, "I Am... Sasha Fierce," which debuts tomorrow. She explained to NBC that Sasha is her alter ego that is more fun, more sensual, more aggressive. How could she go Garth Brooks on me? After I was so loyal? I even paid money to see Dream Girls! Tiger Lily to Beyoncé, or Sasha, or whatever. Right, Irreplaceable.

If she can't bounce back from this, I might have to find a new super-star to obsess about. Rihanna is dating Chris Brown and she has a poodle. She would be a good rebound.

Ok, so let's be real. I'm buying Sasha's album tomorrow. I dedicate this TL to Carrie. Thanks for the heads-up.

Non-Lily Blog Tagging

My sister blog tagged me, and because I'm always game to talk about myself, I gladly accept!

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you (Reagan's blog, "Controlled Chaos" is already linked on my site )
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write six random thoughts about yourself
4. Tag six people at the end of your post
5. Let each person know he/she has been tagged
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted

Six random things about me: (Keeping with some of the question's themes from previous blog-tags)

1. I don't like beer at all but will drink it to be cool. For instance, I will have a beer at a sports bar if no one else will join me with something different. (I'd rather have a glass of wine any day!)
2. I am a sugar-aholic and go through phases with candy-obsessions. Right now, I'm on junior mints.
3. I love, and will wear my pink lipstick whether it's in style or not.
4. My husband is a better cook than me. Although this is no revelation.
5. I'm a pro-napper and could sleep at any time of day without missing a wink later that night.
6. I have three recurring dreams: 1. running line-drills for Coach Loucks, having too much bubble-gum in my mouth, choking on it and pulling it out, and one where I can swim through the air, breast-stroke style.

Ok, so I blog tag:
Jessica Linville
Meredith Porbeck
Kerry Boulware
(Do I have to ask 6, I don't know anyone else who would want to do it!)

Planning without the Plan

(Just because I needed a picture and I just love Mad Men.)

In the last few weeks, I have really been evaluating my plans for 2009. I've been thinking a lot about my family, my career and even what television shows will be on the horizon and subsequently on our DVR. Being a planner, I don't wait until late December, it's just too late to map out a course, and I've never been one to procrastinate.

What dawned on me this week is that "planning" and "the plan" don't really go hand-in-hand. Instead, things are really out of your control. Honestly, for all of my planning, how could I have possibly planned for my 2008?:

• First, I changed jobs. I now work at an advertising agency, leaving a sales career behind.
• I attended my 10-year high school reunion.
• I changed my email address. This is huge for me, and so, it makes the list. Abandoning RLSooner and moving forward with a more grown-up, name/last name email address was my official inauguration into adult-career-hood.
• I've gone back to school part-time.
• I've traveled to New Orleans, Atlanta, Tallahassee, Chicago, Napa Valley, Kansas City, and Hawaii.
• I put my foot in my mouth a number of times.
• I watched and became enamored with the first two seasons of Mad Men.
• I joined facebook, started a blog, and became addicted to a blackberry.

So my new plan (because once a planner, always a planner) is to try and be organized, have a purpose that is bigger than all of this, and see what happens.

Tiger Lily to planning, because it's just an exercise in organization that has nothing to do with the actual "plan." I'm pretty sure that Someone Else has things securely under control.

Rude and Oblivious. A double-whammy.

(If this sign could just spontaneously pop-up out of thin air up at the appropriate time!)

I've been traveling a lot lately and really enjoyed the post that my sister-in-law provided on my brother's blog, "Something Clever." She outlines the many things that bug her about traveling.

Please read her post, it's hilarious and you'll get worked up even reading the list.

It got me thinking that, I too am annoyed at people's rude behavior that is sometimes just plain annoying. My biggest complaint from my recent travels includes people talking at volume level 15 (on a scale of 1-10) on their cell phones. You know these people. You are sitting, say, in an airport coffee shop or searching for the next issue of People to accompany you on a flight, and the digitized version of "My Humps" blairs out from a fellow-customer's cell phone. She answers.

You are then treated to your fellow-customer's 10 minute exchange about who they saw at the party last night, what time their flight will land, how many times they've gone to the bathroom that day. It's crazy. And what is most annoying about the whole thing, is that they have no idea that anyone else is annoyed. They are having a blast talking to their friends and co-workers and don't have a clue that they are being rude.

So, this leads me to an article I read on CNN's website today, "Are you rude? Maybe you should think again." This article showcased a recent episode of Oprah. Our all-knowing, mother-of-everything-good, expert in every field of spirituality and reason, Oprah, talked to Jerry Sienfleld about his biggest pet peeve-- a lack of civility.

While Oprah reports that 80% of Americans say that rudeness is a national problem, 99% of those people who took the survey said that they are never rude. Tiger Lily. People think that being rude is a problem and they don't even recognize that they are being rude. It's rude, people!

Because I am so easily annoyed by others, I went to Oprah's site to take the quiz, Are You Rude? I'll be honest and say that I probably didn't score in the realm reserved for Mother Teresa. Instead, I was guilty of quite a few of my own acts of rudeness. Some of which include:

1. Talking on the phone while someone is serving me. (Think about when you get groceries.)
2. Interrupting a face-to-face conversation with a non-urgent cell phone call.

3. Typing an email while talking on the phone. (I at least try to make it where the caller can't hear the clicks...)

4. Guilty. But she's a small dog!

Those are just some examples. Please don't take this opportunity to point out my particular rude offenses, but feel free to add to the list of rude behaviors. Maybe we can just raise awareness. Knowing is half the battle. Tiger Lily to rude people who are totally oblivious sometimes. Myself included.

Four Eyes

With all the buzz around Sarah Palin's glasses, I decided that I would like to share some of my own observations about cool eye-wear. I want to preface my entry by saying that this is not a political blog, and I just want to discuss the glasses!

What intrigues me, is that Sarah Palin is the only person in history to wear cool glasses, and people still think she is dumb. Tiger Lily. I have never before encountered such a phenomenon. Much like a British accent, glasses make people smarter, nerdier, more brilliant, more creative. For example:

1. Benjamin Franklin glasses. Isn't he the one that invented bi-focals? Electricity? The United States... something like that, but really smart.

2. The "coke-bottle" glasses. These glasses are worn by a skinny kid and are probably broken in the middle, held together with a piece of white tape . You know this kid is a nerd. And by nerd, I mean rocket-scientist later in life.

3. The 1950's glasses. You know the ones. Every grandad had a pair. Even the smarty pants lawyer in JFK wore them.

4. Librarian glasses. These are probably bifocals and are worn on the tip of the nose. Not only is this librarian smart, but she is mean. This might be a thought for Palin...

5. Tina Fey glasses. She may be the person that made glasses chic. She wasn't necessarily a nerd, but you thought her comedy writing was that much wittier when she delivered her 'Weekend Updates' from behind these stylish specs.

6. Ad guy's glasses: I work in an ad agency and I noticed at a conference in Kansas City two weeks ago that all the agency's owners and creative directors wore cool glasses. Without them, you might have thought they were bankers. With them, Ta-Da!-- creative genius. I bet this guy's in advertising.

Now enter Sarah Palin glasses. They just haven't had the same smartening effect that so many other trusted spectacles have in the past. Maybe she should try a British accent. Tiger Lily to Sarah Palin's glasses.

Little Rock Traffic Engineers

No, this is not a picture of the digital traffic boards recently erected in Little Rock. But they might as well be in Chinese.

It has been a while since I've posted, mainly because work has been a little busy, school has revved back up, the new fall fashions are out and football season is in full swing! This brings me to the latest Tiger Lily.

A few months ago, the metropolis of Little Rock erected 3 new digital traffic boards on our Interstate 630 thoroughfare, which is a whopping 7 miles long. I take 630 every morning and evening to and from work. Well, the Traffic Engineers of our great city decided that it would be a good use of tax payer dollars to put up these 3 digital boards-- and I still haven't quite figured out their real purpose.

At first, I thought, "Oh, these boards will let us know of traffic accidents so that we can choose an alternate route." However, they have never reported any accidents on the board, that I have seen, and even if they did that would be absurd. This strip of highway is only 7 miles long, by the time you reach one of those boards that might tell you there has been an accident, you are already stuck and will probably be past the accident before you find an exit to get off the highway. Ok, so they are not there to report traffic accidents.

Next, I noticed one morning that the boards were flashing, "Ozone Action Day." What a great idea Little Rock Traffic Engineers! Alert the public to the fact that it is an "Ozone Action Day" to encourage the citizens of Little Rock to carpool, take the bus or ride their bikes. Brilliant, only it's too late. We are already driving to work.

Then I thought, "Ah ha, they will use those digital boards for Arkansas football!" Now for those of you that are not Arkansans, although the Razorbacks call Fayetteville home, they play two games a year in Little Rock. This always jams up the traffic on 630, and although this is something that only happens on 2 of 365 days of the entire year, maybe the Engineers thought that this would be money well spent for Razorback fans. (We are a bit fanatical about those Hogs.) But, alas, the digital boards were not used to direct non-football traffic away from the stadium exit, instead, portable digital boards were brought in while the above mentioned, 3 permanent digital boards were benched. They were turned off that Saturday.

I don't know why this surprises me. I have lived in Little Rock for most of my life and have seen the brilliance of these Little Rock Traffic Engineers. Take the speed humps that they erected in every neighborhood in town to slow down traffic. Yes, I said "humps." This is what the city calls them on their Web site. They are humps because they are much wider than a traditional speed bump. Ironically, I can remember ramping these in high school because they don't exactly do much damage if you take them at high speed.

Then, the Engineers put in a number of "roundabouts" in Pleasant Valley Neighborhood. (After the speed humps did not have their desired effects.) These Little Rock "roundabouts" aren't exactly of London quality. This is because the Engineers did not increase the size of the intersections to create the "roundabouts," but instead placed a big concrete slab right in the middle with a sign that indicated that you had to drive around this concrete slab. You are a skilled driver if you can avoid hitting the curb while navigating these speed-deterrents.

No, I haven't gone "Ron-Paul" but sometimes I wonder why our city government is allowed to make these crazy decisions. Every time I get my paycheck and watch my precious money go to this great state, I start to wonder what it would be like if they had a lot less of our tax dollars to spend? Maybe a land without speed humps, roundabouts and useless, tiger-lilied digital traffic boards.

Longhorn Bull

Somehow my Longhorn Tiger Lily disappeared the other day. Conspiracy? I worried for a moment that the Big-Brother-Blogger-Moderator might live in Austin. Maybe. But I found it and re-posted.

Just for good measure I'd like to point out something very interesting... even some of the sports writers are calling the Longhorns "flaky."

Ok, I promise to get back to the Tiger Lily's-- this will be my last trash-talking for August.

http://www.bcsfootball.org/cfb/wcStory?contentId=8388646#story=8348812

Eco-Fatigue Update...

This writer at Advertising Age must have read my Tiger Lily, "The Going Green Fad", and been inspired. I say, "hooray!" to Ms. Jennifer Maxwell-Muir. And Ditto.

Check out her article. Good stuff.

http://adage.com/cmostrategy/article?article_id=130411

Future Longhorns- Little budding Tiger Lilies?

“Boomer Sooner!” Another hilarious story from the Longhorns, the pride of the state of Texas. Check out this story from a recent cheerleading camp that the Longhorns held on campus earlier this month:


http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/yahoolatestnews/stories/080708dntexcheerleaders.1d70ab35.html?npc


For those of you that didn’t click on the link, the short version of the story is this: 26 high school cheerleaders, aged 14-17 at Texas Cheer Camp, decided to squeeze into an elevator—just to see how many people they could fit inside. And surprise! After the elevator descended from the fourth floor to the first, it got stuck. Well, one of the girls fainted and a few others were treated at the scene after one cheerleader was able to wiggle out a cell phone to call for help.


What a brain-trust. I guess there really isn’t safety in numbers after all. But maybe I’m being too hard on the girls. Maybe I’ve just been lucky to avoid such an innocent, adolescent mistake. Maybe it’s just been my claustrophobic tendencies that have kept me safe from such tragedies. Or maybe it’s just common sense. But who can blame these girls?, they were just under the influence of the mighty-wise Longhorns.


One such wise University of Texas Director of Communications, Rhonda Weldon, was quoted as saying, “There are signs everywhere: No more than 15 people or 3,000 pounds. Take the sign seriously.” Ok, so the Director of Communications points out the obvious, thank you Director of Communications. I’m glad the paper called you for a quote. Now, what about the explanation we are all looking for… where were the Camp Counselors? Probably cheering them on, literally.


My favorite part of the whole story is that this all went down, again, both figuratively and literally, in Jester Hall. Oh what a perfect stage for these little fools to play out their parts.


And herein lies the irony. Texas is revered as being one of the best schools in this region and maybe even the nation. A UT Bachelor’s Degree, MBA or Law Degree is held in high regard. Well, I’m here to say that street smarts will out-wit book smarts any day.


This story was just teeming with Tiger Lily possibility, but, because the cheerleaders sadly played into the cheerleader stereotype so well, it didn't seem appropriate to give them an award for a "lovely contradiction." So instead, the Tiger Lily goes to the Director of Communications. Rhonda, it’s a good thing that UT has you to handle these delicate PR situations.

Law & Order = Complete Chaos

Click the following link before you start reading this, I insist.

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

Now we're ready. I'd like to give a Tiger Lily to Law & Order because it has created complete chaos in my life. Ironic and sad. Thank you Dick Wolf.

My husband has been out of town the last few days which has just intensified my Law & Order compulsion, but to be true, this affair has been going on for quite some time. While my husband finishes up his work at night, I sneak off to the bedroom to watch a few episodes. Not since Harry Potter have I been so obsessed with something meant to be entertaining. But it's my guilty pleasure. I blame the networks for their relentless supply of SVU's and Criminal Intents. Like waves crashing on the shore of my bedroom, they never stop coming. And I can't stop watching. Thank you USA.

I had big plans for this week. Matt would be out of town for three nights and I could do some laundry, go to the grocery store, read a book, get some work done at night without feeling guilty and maybe even go out to dinner with a girlfriend. But I needed a hit. After I dropped Matt off at the airport, I drove home thinking about laundry and Law & Order. They go hand-in-hand.

I would flip on USA and watch one episode. This is what is so wonderful about Law & Order. You don't have to keep up because there aren't any plot lines that extend beyond one program. It's in-and-out. One juicy plot, all unveiled and solved in one hour. Amazing. It's a show that doesn't require setting a DVR. Not to mention that they are on day and night. (Although setting the DVR is a plus, because if you have to get up to go to the bathroom, you can rewind it, not miss a minute--then fast forward through the commercials.)

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

Then one episode turned into two, and two into five. Now it was late at night and Olivia, Elliot and I were settling into bed with my last load of laundry still in the dryer. I hadn't gone to the store to get my usual Sunday load of groceries, but instead settled for a dinner of cereal with some almost-expired milk. Perfect. That's what Elliot would do.

So now my three nights are up, the house is a complete mess, the laundry is still in the dryer and my Love in the Time of Cholera book has yet to be cracked. But the cases were. One right after the other. I can just see Olivia looking at me with that concerned look like she does with the victim that won't report her attacker. In Law & Order's defense, it's a harmless television program that didn't mean to hurt me... it just keeps me up at night worrying that someone is trying to break into my house.

I'm pretty sure Detective Goren would be able to diagnose my addiction pretty quickly and get me to scream out my confession of Law & Order madness in no time. There might even be a syndrome for this one.

Well, I hereby find Law & Order guilty of a Tiger Lily. For something that has "order" in the title, this has really created a huge mess.

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

The Going Green Fad

I'm so tired of hearing businesses and people say, "We've gone green!" Can someone please define this for me? Because as far as I can tell, anybody can say they've gone green, slap a few spiral light bulbs in the office lamps, and presto-chango, they are environmentally friendly.

Americans seem to be a little hypocritical to me as this energy crisis looms. In fact, I think we're just a nation of hypocritical complainers. As this "green" fad grows, I find it ironic that the people around me, while working at these "green" businesses haven't done much to "green" their own lives. I'm just as guilty-- I'm part of an organization that values this "green" initiative and and I drive my SUV to work and then complain about high gas prices.

So, then I decided that I would not go "green." In fact, I was totally against "green." I'd gone "black." This is the color of oil and I love oil. I was going to drive around town with the a/c on full blast, buy my Diet Dr. Pepper from Sonic-- guiltlessly enjoying my Styrofoam cup, and run the water the entire time I brushed my teeth.

I even went as far as debating these "greenies." In my "going black" mindset, I told one of my good friends that I was tired of hearing people complain and that I was just going to drive my SUV and pay the dad-gum $4-a-gallon. Then I got my hand slapped: she insisted that some people couldn't afford these higher gas prices and that it was hard for the average working man to make ends-meet. Families were having a hard time putting food on the table and this was a serious crisis. Well, I felt bad. I must admit that I live a charmed life with many luxuries and I will be the first to say that I am very fortunate. I quieted down about "going black."

But after a few days and a good dose of CNN's complaining, I started thinking... I wonder what percentage of these people crying about gas prices have cable television? Smoke two packs a day? Eat out for lunch? The problem is, and I'm included, a lot of people expect to continue their live styles without making any sacrifices when the gas prices go up. Instead of "going green" I think we need to "get real." Even if we can afford the gas, maybe we should lower our consumption so that the prices will go down? Or at least just stop complaining! I'm no genius and don't pretend have the answers but I do think that each of us could do something. So I had to ask myself a tough question: What have I been doing in response to this crisis? Nothing.

So I weighed my options:

1. Run for Congress- not independently wealthy, so that's out of the question.

2. Buy a Vespa Scooter. Oooh, what a fun and fashionable option! But the hills in Little Rock and my driving record make this little more than a dream.

3. Carpool- well, I would burn just as much gas picking people up and I don't really want my car to bake in the local park-and-ride.

4. Have my husband take me to work. A chauffeur! Right, I'm sure he would love that.

5. Take the bus. Still the park-and-ride issue, but so far, the best option.

So today, I took the bus to work. Just to see. And I will have to say it was a lot of fun. The sacrifice I'm making is 30 minutes of sleep because it takes that much longer to get to work on the bus than it does for me to drive. However, I love books on tape and I'm sure I could answer a few e-mails on my blackberry during the trip. Maybe it's a lame effort and okay, so I'm only saving $50 a month by taking the bus, but Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

Well, before I get revolutionary, I'll have to remember it's only been one bus ride-- and I haven't even taken the return ride home. But we'll see. Until then, I'm giving "going green" a Tiger Lily until it means something more than a recycle bin and a lot of complaining.

The Club

This Tiger Lily was inspired by my sister who blogged about music a few days ago. Check it out but be warned if you are a hip-hop music lover that this comes from her vantage point as a mother.

http://rmauk-controlledchaos.blogspot.com/2008/06/music-therapy.html

However, I had to agree with most of her sentiments until she attacked Jay-Z and then I was offended. But her indignation got me thinking about music and inspired my thoughts on the elusive “club.” If you are unfamiliar with "the club" here are a few explanations.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/ defines the “club” as:

• “A place for social gatherings, that plays the latest music and encourages dancing and drinking.”


• “Place where e’erbody gets tipsy.” (He’s got his fake I.D. so it’s no problem.)
  
  

But really, the main source of information about "the club" comes from popular music. This is the first place that really sparked my interest about “the club.” I am a fan of rap music, (I backed my ass up in college as all good sorority girls do) and these clubs sound really amazing. Again, here are a few explanations of what “the club” is, and what happens at “the club”:

• Usher explains in his hit song, Love in this Club, that he “wanna make love in this club, yea, make love in this club, yea, in this club, yea, in this club” and so on. He then explains to his girl that he’s “About to hit the club, Make a movie, yeah rated R… on the couch, on the table, on the bar or on the floor.”
  
  
  

  (Kim Kardashian. Here's someone who is no stranger to these types of "R" rated movies made with hip-hop artisits.)

• In Ray-J’s catchy song, Sexy Can I, his girlfriend works at the club. Ray-J asks his girlfriend “Sexy can I, visit you at work, while you sliding down the pole…I make it rain in the club like Ohh, ohh, ohh.”
  
• Also, please correct me if I’m misinformed, but Justin Timberlake encourages his ladies to get their sexy back in the club: “Come here girl (Go ‘head be gone with it) Come to the back (Go ‘head be gone with it) VIP! (Go ‘head be gone with it) Drinks on me.”

But where are these “clubs”? I’ve certainly never been there. I tried the Piano Bar downtown and it wasn’t really “the club” experience I’d hoped for. The closest I’ve come to finding this “club” was in Cancun Mexico at the ever popular, Coco Bongos.

But I didn’t really see any of this glamorous stuff going on. No one bought me anything I’d like to be sippn’ on. We had arm bracelets that afforded us an endless sampling of their alcohol infused Gatorade. I also didn’t feel like a VIP packed in there with all the sweaty 20-somethings. However I do remember a few Circ De Soleil wanna-be’s doing some acrobatics on a “pole” between the Madonna and Beyonce numbers. But, somehow, I don’t think those are the same poles that Ray-J is talking about.

For the most part, the types of clubs that I’ve encountered have a lot of this going on:

(And I'm sorry if that's your Aunt, but she should be careful not to have her picture taken if she's going to dance like that.) People are getting in fights, doing line dances and drinking long-necks or well drinks. Oh well, the search continues for "the club."

To conclude, I must admit that as my thirties are creepn’ closer, I have really given up the search for “the club.” But, in good club form, I’d like to send a shout out to some of my favorites along the way:

• Opie’s-Norman, Oklahoma


• The Cowboy- Little Rock, Arkansas


• The Thirsty Turtle- somewhere in New Jersey (thanks Pfizer)
  
• Coco Bongo’s- Cancun, Mexico


• And a new favorite, confetti and all- Groovy’s- Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
  

Tiger Lily to the elusive "club."

Emergency Vet Clinic$

Now, this is not Greta's failed attempt at a Flashdance costume, it's the legwarmer-leg look of a doggy-hospital patient. Her little hairy legs had to be shaved for the IV's.

Well our Holiday weekend had a little hiccup, to the tune of about $700. And after all the worry, tears and a little bit of anger, here we are with one sick puppy-- literally.

Little Greta (she weighs 4.6 pounds) has been having stomach trouble for about a month. I boarded her for six days when Matt and I went to Napa Valley and she hasn't been healthy since. I could record all of the gory details, but believe me, we've cleaned up a number of things that I'm sure no Resolve, Stanly Steamer or Act of God will ever get out of our carpet. Needless to say, we've been battling this stomach bug for some time.

So fast forward to the Thursday night before Forth of July when I got off work. I came home to find a number of treasures stashed all over the house. Loads of them. Matt informed me that he too had the pleasure of picking up one of her "unfortunates" earlier in the day. Now, although a rational person would conclude, "she's sick" I was beginning to believe that this was normal for a little dog. I picked it all up, gave her a kiss and went on about the evening.

Now poodles are smart. (So I'm told. Sometimes I think Greta Boomer would have been a short bus kid if she were a child, but she has her moments of genius.) So her shining intellectual moment this weekend came when she finally communicated to me that she needed some serious help. She pooped right at my feet while I made dinner. Again, details aside, panic ensued and I snatched her up to hurry to the Emergency Vet.

Now I'm feeling all of the emotions of a worried parent, because being sans-child, Greta is my baby. I felt guilty, worried and panicky as Matt drove us to the Emergency Vet. Cue the "Money ain't a thang" music. Because this is how I felt. No matter what, we were going to make her better.

We walk in and they have us fill out the paper work which I couldn't possibly do, so Matt scribbled away. I watched a huge white mutt-of-a-dog being cared for by three midget sized adults with a bath towel. Being snobby, I got irritated when the little owner man bent over "Copenhagen" (of course, it's Arkansas) to check out the damage from the dog-fight, exposing his entire rear end. This was the beginning of our wonderful three-hour experience.

Finally, we were ushered into the holding cell, I mean, exam room, and shut away to wait it out. Everything in the entire room was puke green and plastic; as if we were waiting in the drunk tank in the county jail. Finally, the little pancreatitis test that looked suspiciously like a pregnancy test, came back a light shade of green, confirming that Greta did NOT have pancreatitis. The blood panel also came back with no conclusive diagnosis and by 10:30 p.m., we were buying (literally) a very convincing plea from the baldest of doctors to let them keep her over night.

Well, Daddy Warbucks stuck our little Greta with two IV's and a hefty bill by the time it was all over. Still, no indication of what was really wrong. She was released from the hospital with instructions to go see our regular vet the following morning, when she would be back from her 4th of July holiday.

First thing this morning, we took her straight away to our wonderful veterinarian, Laura Mahaffey. She took one quick sample (an uncomfortably probing endeavor) and diagnosed Greta with HGE. Basically, this is a really bad irritation of the bowels. She said that it could be very dangerous and sent us home with an antibiotic, for $60. Then, not meaning to add insult to injury, she informed us that if she kept a dog in her hospital for a week, she would probably not collect anything close to $700.

Now, I know this sounds like I'm just complaining about the cost, and I am, but I'm really glad that Greta is ok. She's wanted us to hold her all day and hasn't eaten much. As you can see by the photo, I had trouble typing because of my little sicko. She's not out of the woods yet, but we think she's going to recover. No thanks to Daddy Warbucks. I know this is a stretch, but Tiger Lily to the Emergency Vet that pumped some fluids for $700. I mean the irony here is that they are supposed to help you, not send you into bankruptcy.

The Jolie Phenomenon

She has a unique beauty, a mysterious and captivating shyness about her and a flair for humanitarian efforts! Forget about Tomb Raider and that weird Billy Bob Blood thing, I think I like Angelina Jolie. I think I like her a lot. She seems so nice, so pretty. Right away I wanted to see the pictures of Shiloh. Recently I've even considered a cool tattoo down my back- it's chic. No, I wouldn't kiss my brother on the lips, but it's ok for her. It's not weird, it's just a gesture of love, right?

And it was out of this mesmerized fog that I got snapped right back into reality when my cousin dropped this Tiger Lily nomination on me:

From Gina on Angelina Jolie:
"For someone the media is making out to be this glowing maternal goddess and heroic humanitarian, I'd just like to remind them of the bizarre behavior she's repeatedly shocked us with in her not-so-distant past....drug videos, open confessions of weird sexual encounters, making out with her brother, wearing a vile of her husbands blood to show devotion, etc, etc. Has the public so quickly forgiven and forgotten all of this?

In addition, the way she picks these poor kids up like souvenirs and thrusts them into her odd world is not heroic or maternal, it's sad and selfish and a little shady. There's just no telling what kind of psychological trauma they will be sorting through in 10 years. And for someone who insists she's interested in keeping a low profile, she continues to pull one attention-grabbing stunt after another. Coincidence? I think not. So before she's nominated as woman-of-the-year, I just felt she deserved to be nominated for a more appropriate award - a tiger lily!"





At first, I was a little defensive. That is some strong language about my girl. After all, Angie's helping people in New Orleans. But, UN ambassador or not, the facts are the facts. I immediately went to one of the greatest sources of accurate and thorough information, People magazine. Their online magazine has a number of features which have come in very handy for me, as I track Jay-Z and Beyonce's every move, so naturally, I went there for my information. Here is Jolie's biography:

http://www.people.com/people/angelina_jolie/biography

After reading her bio, and now out of my transfixed state, there is no doubt in my mind, Angelina Jolie deserves a Tiger Lily. And not because she is so strange and yet so revered, but because she has been able to do what no one else I have ever known has been able to do: She is has overcome her past without totally separating herself from it. I mean, she's in the public eye and there's no "fresh start" or "clean slate" for this movie star.

Here's the thing. In my experience, once labeled a strange-cat, always a strange-cat. Last time I checked, the kid that talked about maggots in the 5th grade and ate his scabs for lunch is still not voted "most popular" at his high school reunion. Instead, they give him "most changed" and then avoid him in the punch line. That's why, as I watch all of the mania unfold about Angelina Jolie, I am astounded at how quickly people have been able to forgive and forget.

This acceptance of Angelina has me in deep thought about our society's criteria for forgiveness and redemption. What is it about Angelina? How is it that people are so easily mesmerized by her? Maybe she's just beautiful and beauty affords great forgiveness in our society. Or maybe it's just that we like to see Brad happy again. I myself have been taken in by her charms and I just can't explain why I'm able to look past those Goth years.




As my 10 year high school reunion creeps ever-closer and people sympathize with me when I say I'm not so interested in going, it makes me wonder: How did Angelina escape with only a few cutting scars and few not-so-great tattoos? Looks like we'll never know. Unless, of course, People decides to enlighten us.

Thanks for the nomination Gina, Tiger Lily #7 to Angelina Jolie. Hmm. #7, a lucky number--maybe this explains the Jolie phenomenon.

The RSS Feed/ The Devil

I am taking a class this summer about some of the new technology out there to help us in our quest for information, our ability to collaborate, to be efficient, blah blah blah. My group decided to investigate these crazy little things called "RSS feeds." Until this class, I have been living a blissfully (albeit ignorant) "RSS-free" life. Somehow I was completely able to ignore this:

Be warned: If you read on, you too will know about:

And I'm here to tell you, there's no going back! Just like Neo, you swallow that pill and your life is changed forever. You will begin noticing them on almost every Web site you visit. And you'll click on them. You will subscibe to something like GoogleReader to gather all of these RSS Feeds and you will begin talking in code: My feeds, these aggregators, your podcast, Joe's blog...

So if you are confused about what all of these terms mean, please take a look at the following wiki page. http://coolgroup.wikispaces.com/Sarah's+research+on+RSS The author, Sarah, does a great job of explaining what "RSS" really is. Here is an excerpt from her page:

"You can think of RSS as TiVo (or DVR) for your computer. TiVo and DVR work through your cable television box to record your favorite programs. They recognize when your shows are on and automatically save them so you can watch at your convenience. RSS functions in much the same way. An RSS aggregator monitors your favorite websites, blogs, and podcasts for new content and collects the new information for you to view at any time. Rather than having to visit each of your favorite sites to see what’s new, you can visit your RSS aggregator (also known as an RSS reader) to see all of the new content from all of your favorite sites. Check out this video from YouTube for a great introductory tutorial on using RSS:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0klgLsSxGsU&feature=email

I have decided to give The RSS Feed a Tiger Lily. For something that was supposed to help simplify my life, it has now overwhelmed it. This little award looks so much like an RSS Feed that I want to click on it.

Take a look at my friend's blog posting about Facebook. http://www.angryczeck.com/2008/05/facebook-has-me-by-throat.html Please don't go to this blog if you are faint-of-heart, but I had to link to it, because similarly, I too am addicted. I am so addicted that I'm mad at my husband every day because he refuses to join. People probably think I'm lying when I've posted my Relationship status as "Married." In a pathetic effort to prove his existence I've posted numerous pictures of him. Also, I obsess day and night about whether or not he's read my most recent blog entry. In fact, he should set up an RSS Feed of my blog. Of course, he'll have to set up GoogleReader first. Now re-reading what I've just written, realizing how crazy that sounds, I remember why I married him in the first place, what a wise man.

So maybe this should be a Tiger Lily for all technology. Maybe I should award myself a Tiger Lily for being so completely taken in by all of this. But in my defence I'm not the only one. One of my old high school classmates, David, recently wrote (on Facebook of course) that he was going around the house naming everything an "i" something before Apple could. For instance, he had his iToaster hooked up, was watching his iTV while listening to his iRadio... you get the picture. This was hilarious to me because it is so true. It's inevitable-- technology is taking over. Pretty soon we won't be able to carry on regular f2f conversations. And I'll have to go to sites like www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm just to make it through life. 4COL.

Well, enough of this. TTFN. I've got to go check my GoogleReader. Tiger Lily to Technology.

Oh Oprah

I know that as soon as you saw her face, a lot of you out there got really nervous. "Oh no, she's going to make fun of Oprah." Don't worry, I'll only make fun of her a little bit. I'll just give Oprah a small Tiger Lily.

So just to get this out of the way, please know, I like Oprah. I like to watch her show, buy her endorsed books, build her endorsed bears, drive her give-away Pontiacs, aspire to her perfect spirituality, give as generously, and look as beautiful-- inside and out. Isn't she lovely? (Que Stevie Wonder. I think Oprah would like that.)

For Mother's Day, I bought my mother a subscription to O, Oprah's magazine. I was excited about it. It was one of those gifts you give and hope to borrow later. (How un-Oprah of me.) Anyway, my mom and I started talking about the fact that Oprah is on every single cover of her own magazine. And for some reason, this really bothered us. Isn't Oprah supposed to be supremely perfect? And isn't humility one of the attributes of a perfect person?

Well, I'm here to tell you what this is all about. Humility and godliness go hand-in-hand. And I don't mean the Gideon-type godliness. I mean the television-type. The brand-type. The Oprah-type. Oprah is her own brand. With out her name or her face the Oprah brand wouldn't be a brand at all. Her name and face have brand power. And by power, you know I mean money. Dollars. And lots of them.

Advertising Age wrote an article "How to get your brand on 'Oprah'" in its June 2008 issue. The article explains that "she is--by the estimate of PR pros who besiege her producers for a chance to have their brands reflect the warm light of Oprah's presence--the very pinnacle of product publicity." See, she is a goddess. She even has a "warm light." She is the goddess of product publicity and because her face and name carry such weight, she has to keep them front-and-center.

So who can blame her? This television goddess puts a book on the New York Times Best-seller List, boosts Dolly Parton's CD sales by 70% and puts Bourdreaux's Butt Paste on the map. And she is philanthropic too. She builds schools in South Africa, gives millions to charity and even has time for her top-rated "Oprah's Big-Give" on ABC.

I've just decided that my idea of "godliness" is a little less "capitalistic," I mean, complicated. Here are a few other Tiger-Lilish contradictions I see with Oprah:

• She endorses Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty." (A campaign by Ogilvy & Mather that I absolutely love) But every time you turn around, there is Oprah looking amazing. You wouldn't ever catch Oprah in her underware, on purpose.
  
  
  
  
• She endorses Barack Obama. Now listen up! This is not political. I'm just pointing out the fact, that for a woman who won't marry a man, bashes men and is the voice of the middle-class woman, isn't it a little ironic that she would endorse a male over a female candidate? For crying out loud, her July issue of O has an article, "Men! What are They Thinking?!"
  
• She endorses everything from butt paste to books. And then has shows about how to de-clutter.
  

But, alas, everybody loves her. And despite these contradictions, I love her too. Although I really love watching Ellen dance and at least she can joke about her endorsements. Watch out Oprah, here she comes. Enjoy your little Tiger Lily.