The BOOMER Outcomes Trial (Abstract and Commentary)

(The following article was published in the TIGER LILIES Journal for its absurd nature, author's baffling strong relationship with Boomer parents and the uninformed nature of the content.)

Non-Randomized, but largely intentional dominance of Boomer generation's opinions applied to health care debate and plausible resulting outcomes.

Leanne Deason, M.D.* and on behalf of the Generation X and Millennial Generation Study Investigators

Abstract

Objective: To determine the causes and outcomes of the Boomer Generation's dominance in the current health care debate, and to provide possible prevention measures.

Research Design and Methods: The BOOMER Outcomes Trial is purely an observational trial in which investigators have merely observed current trends in Baby Boomer behavior and concluded by giving their opinions as to the negative implications for later generations. The investigators of the BOOMER Outcomes Trial would like this to serve in the prevention of the total annihilation of Generation X and Millennials' futures.

Warning: If you are over the age of 50, the reading of the BOOMER Outcomes Trial may be hazardous to your health. It may cause an unnecessary increase in blood pressure and high levels of furiousness. Contact your doctor right away if you feel that this trial has "hit a nerve" or caused you difficulty in thinking clearly. If you are pregnant, plan to become pregnant or are breast-feeding, read on; you are probably young enough to handle the following truths about the Baby Boomer generation.

Results: Of the 76 million Baby Boomers, many have whined, cried and yelled their way through the national health care debate. Cigarettes in hand, and with the power of numbers and the almighty AARP behind them, they will decide to have their cake and eat it too. Seen here is a brave Gen Xer who risks job-loss, family excommunication and general humiliation if she continues to hold up her sign of civility.

Brace yourselves Generation X and Millennials, the impending and hefty Baby Boomer medical costs we will be obliged to absorb may come as a sucker punch from parents who "coddled" us into existence and even babied us through adulthood.** According to the Boomers themselves, we are not prepared for the grim reality that faces us in the near future. The cold hard truth: Boomers are shaping the health care plan to take care of #1. And we're going to pay for it.

Commentary

Here's how Boomers have managed to bull-doze the later generations:

Generation X and Millennals have been unfairly characterized as lazy slobs who feel entitled to everything. Check out this story from CBS written about Millennals in the work force. The Boomer advertising executive quoted actually has this to say about how to speak to Millennials:

"You do have to speak to them a little bit like a therapist on television might speak to a patient," Salzman says, laughing. "You can't be harsh. You cannot tell them you're disappointed in them. You can't really ask them to live and breathe the company. Because they're living and breathing themselves and that keeps them very busy." Later she expands: "These young people will tell you what time their yoga class is and [that] the day's work will be organized around the fact that they have this commitment. So you actually envy them. How wonderful it is to be young and have your priorities so clear. Flipside of it is how awful it is to be managing the extension, sort of, of the teenage babysitting pool."

This story made the investigator's blood boil. The lazy-entitled nature of the Millennals is something that is now widely accepted as fact thanks to this type of propaganda being shoveled by the Boomer generation. While many highly productive, Gen Xers and Millennials work hard at their jobs, (aka: being babysat by a highly-superior Boomer) they can't shake this unflattering characterization which is being used against them to set policy. Seen here are Boomer town-hall attendees who vote in favor of "sticking it to these lazy, Millennal SOB's."

Further observations in this study lead to the following evidence: Boomers control the media. Brian Williams, NBC- age 50, Charlie Gibson, ABC- age 66, Katie Couric, CBS- age 52. The list goes on, even the lead-cast of the Today Show: Mereditih Vieria, Matt Lauer and Ann Curry qualify for a senior citizen discount.

Additionally, the senior special interest group, AARP, has ramped up their pro-Boomer efforts with their "Divided We Fail" and the "Assault on the Truth" campaigns. As complaining about the Medicare Donut Hole gets passe, (the portion of the Medicare Drug plan that they actually have to pay for), they are now showing commercials that depict "special interest groups" barring them from medical treatment. In the commercial, an ambulance, no doubt carrying a Boomer, is diverted from its route to the hospital by Millennials driving the "speical interest" cars.

Obviously, a Millennial is driving the "special interest group" car because no Boomer could maneuver a car like that anymore.

Possible Preventative Measures

The investigators would like to point out that they do not know how to remedy the health care crisis but will be brazen enough to suggest a few possible improvements that can be made:

1. Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials should all begin eating healthy and exercising.

2. Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials should all except that health care is going to cost and it's probably going to cost a lot.

3. Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials should accept responsibility for themselves and not push it off to other generations.

When the investigation committee asked two Boomers what they thought of these suggestions, they responded with a simple:

* M.D. just stands for mostly distressed.

**These facts have been given by Baby Boomers and are not corroborated by later generations.

I Already Cased the Joint: A Public Enemies Movie Review

“This is a stick up! You and your broad get over there you mutt, I’m taking your money, see, and even though this movie ain’t too swell, you’re gonna’ say you like it, or you’ll be pushing up daisies!” Director Michael Mann of Public Enemies.

Was that over-the top? Did I throw in way too many mobster-sayings? Did it sound cliché? Were you waiting for Bugs Bunny to jump out and chomp on a carrot? Well if you said yes to any of these questions, you might skip Public Enemies this weekend.

Despite its amazing cast of characters, a good story and the possibilities of fantastic set and costume design, Public Enemies left me scratching my head. What was it about this movie that made it virtually impossible to achieve a suspension of disbelief?

It wasn’t the plot. The story delivered.

John Dillinger, a notorious bank-robber of the early 1930’s, breaks his buddies from an Indiana jail in the opening scenes. He then goes on a crime spree in Chicago, robbing banks like a gangster should. A team of men, in dapper suits and fedora hats rob big banks in mere seconds with Dillinger at the helm and a get-away-car waiting outside. There are oozies galore and a bit of blood and guts, but it’s not too gory. With characters like Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd on board and a beautiful “black bird” female-love interest to spice up Dillinger’s down-time, I really enjoyed the story.

Character-non-development? Although the character development left a few stones unturned, this wasn’t the problem. We don’t really care why Dillinger did it; we just want to see him do it!


As history remembers him, The Robin Hood of mobsters, Dillinger refuses to take the bank customers’ money, instead only stealing from the bank vault. What a saint! The movie enlightens the audience to only one thing about Dillinger’s childhood—that it was abusive—and we learn nothing of his adult life before robbing banks. But we know this: he’s funny, he’s charming and he’s popular with the ladies, enough for me.

Maybe it was the acting. Or the over-acting of one particular actor—Christian Bale. Yes, this is part of it, we’re getting closer.


Coming off of his blockbuster Batman hit, Bale is a rising star despite his off-screen tantrums. Cast as Melvin Purvis, the FBI agent who lives to bring down criminals and was appointed by J. Edgar Hoover himself, Purvis is not a character-stretch for Bale. It’s almost as if he’s being type-cast as a good-looking justice seeker. (Anyone remember his break-out performance in Newsies? That’s when I fell in love.) But this time, Bale doesn’t have a Batman mask to hide behind and his depiction of Purvis is so intense and over-the-top that you begin to wonder if Bale’s good-guy performance is being pulled from the pages of a comic. I think he even uses the “Batman voice” a few times.


Was it Johnny Depp?

No. He was amazing.

Was it the cinematography or the lack of set and costume-design? Yes. Yes. And Yes again.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. And then I had to hide my eyes because I thought I was going to be sick. It wasn’t quite as “wonderful-nauseating” as a Borne film, and definitely not as Blair Witch grainy and intentional-amateur-esque, but something in between. It was just a mess of awful camera work that made me sea-sick and left me laughing. Everything seemed fake. I couldn’t get into any of the action scenes because I felt like at any moment, we would see the geeky guy that made movies in high school pop out from behind the camera to make his Hollywood-director’s début.

Also, there were no special effects, save one, where an FBI agent decides on a slow-motion summersault through the air before shooting one of Dillinger’s cronies. And my favorite, laughable moment, is when Dillinger is awoken by gun-shots in his Minnesota hide-out. With Depp channeling Jack-Sparrow, the Director quickly cuts to Depp’s crazy eyes when he hears the gun-shots. (My movie-going friend and I bust out laughing in the theatre.) And without going into detail—the set and costume design was weak at best. Let’s just say it was no Atonement.


I blame the Director, Michael Mann for this potential Hollywood-blockbuster’s death. The obituary for this summer-movie could read: "Born to be a Hollywood Blockbuster, Public Enemies died an amateur-disappointment that left this world on the wrong side of equilibrium. Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are it’s only survivors." And then I’d lay a Tiger Lily at the gravesite.

So should you see this movie?

Absolutely. Ladies, if you can get both Johnny Depp and Christian Bale for the price of one Blockbuster-renter, I say go for it. But save your $17 bucks for a ticket and popcorn for Harry Potter. I’m sure it will have better special effects.

Arkansas and Oklahoma/Texas Face Off

Contrary to what you might think, I am actually a native Texan and not originally from Arkansas. I was born near Amarillo, Texas, later lived in the Houston area and then moved to Arkansas when I was 10 years old. After being raised in the Natural State, I gladly left home for the University of Oklahoma and later married a wonderful guy from Edmond—hoping that he would take me back there someday. And as crazy as it sounds, we still live in Little Rock and actually like it.

But as we have been traveling a lot lately, and I’ve begun to think twice about the land-that-I-love. After going to Texas two weekends ago for a wedding and then to Oklahoma City last week for a friend’s 30th birthday, I began to wonder what it was about Arkansas that we liked so much. For instance, if Arkansas faced-off with Texas or Oklahoma, which state would prevail?

1. Let’s start with the obvious: Sports.

What kills me is that people in Arkansas hate OU and the University of Texas. Arkansans even tell Aggie jokes which strikes me as completely ironic because the state is well-known for Tyson foods, Hogs and soybeans. But back to sports, who would ever question the dominance of OU and UT over Arkansas? Hell, as much as I hate to say it, OSU could even stomp the Hogs. I know Arkansas will occasionally win a hard-fought battle against these arch enemies who aren’t even in the SEC, but overall—if I’m being honest, this is a point for Oklahoma and Texas.

2. Targets/Shopping.

With a state as large as Texas, it is inevitable that the shopping is going to be better than Arkansas. So let’s just throw Texas out on this one, and focus on the shopping debate between Arkansas and Oklahoma. First, I think it is important to say that I’m not talking about designer shopping, because I’m really only concerned with essential purchases. And I could argue that most essential shopping can be done at a Target store. Except not in Arkansas. In the land of Wal-Mart, (Wal-Mart was founded in Bentonville, Arkansas) there isn’t even a single, solitary, Super Target. If I want to buy the creations of Mossimo along with an ear of corn, I’m out of luck. Even on the shampoo aisle in Edmond, Oklahoma’s Target I started to get depressed. Who knew there were more than five choices of shampoo and conditioner? Point to Oklahoma and Texas.

3. News coverage.

While in Texas two weekends ago, my husband and I learned of the conflict in Iran, and thank goodness. If we’d been in Arkansas, watching the local news, who knows what local grass-fire would have eclipsed this international crisis? To be fair, in Arkansas, local stations do cover national and international stories, but honestly, one station actually brags about only covering the local news, as if we aren’t insulated enough from the rest of the world. Yes, we have the Internet and wear shoes most of the time, but after watching a night full of Channel 4, you have to laugh as we perpetuate our own stereotypes. Point to Oklahoma and Texas.

4. Accents.

Most people who have never been to Arkansas would think that we have beautiful Southern accents. Designing Women and Gone with the Wind’s Tara come to mind. And then you hear an Arkansan talk. It’s this “Arkansas” accent that hits you right between the eyes and the terms, “hillbilly” and “hick” come to mind. Now, some people can’t help it. They’ve been raised here and while they might be well educated and very non-Hillbilly, the accent is just as unavoidable as it is distinct. Case-and-point: (And I am not making this up.) When traveling in Europe one summer during college, my travel companion and I were literally standing in the middle of the Forum in Rome. When suddenly, I was frozen in my Chacos, listening to the distinct and somewhat jarring sounds of an Arkansan speaking. I immediately told my travel-mate that I was sure those people were from Arkansas, and to make things even more hilarious and small-town, I knew them. It was my preacher, his wife and daughter. We had a nice chat with Mrs. Anne and went on our way.

To contrast, let’s examine the Texas and Oklahoma accents. Texas: I had a pledge sister in college from Panhandle, Texas. She had a beautiful drawl that everyone loved. It endeared us to her. The accent of this cattle-rancher’s daughter didn’t cause us to wince, we actually thought it was sweet. Oklahoma: Most people from Oklahoma are accent-neutral. In fact, it’s such an ambiguous accent that when my husband first went to training with his company in New Jersey, people couldn’t guess where he was from. Now, eight years of Arkansas later, his teammates are making fun of what he has accidentally absorbed. I said it was unavoidable. Point to Texas and Oklahoma.

5. Fun things to do.

Little Rock is the capital city of Arkansas and one of the largest cities in the state. We don’t have a professional sports team, or even a Cheesecake Factory, but we do have the Skatium. The one skating rink in the city is so hopping on Sunday nights that the police are called out to manage all of the pre-teens who take to the street. Some wander their way up to Wal-Mart to get a coke while others hangout at the snow-cone hut and make it a perfect weekend.

In Oklahoma City, they have an area called Bricktown which is quickly becoming Oklahoma’s version of the San Antonio Riverwalk. The Oklahoma City Thunder shoots baskets at the Ford Center and Billy Joel and Elton John actually had a sold-out concert in Tulsa. Snow cones on Sunday begin to pale in comparison to these Oklahoma and Texas attractions. Point to Oklahoma and Texas.

I could go on.

But as I write all of this, I begin to feel like a horrible person. After all, I defend Arkansas all over the U. S. when people make fun of Bill Clinton’s home state. Although Texas and Oklahoma are clearly the winners here, I’ll continue to pay that high Arkansas-state income tax with a smile on my face; I’ll faithfully save for my future-children’s private-high school education; and I’ll cheer for the doomed Hogs as they willingly enter into an eight year football contract with Texas A & M. It’s a pride for Arkansas that is unexplainable. Tiger Lily to Arkansas.

Lily-less

One of my favorite past-times is blogging- both reading and writing. I love it when I get a really good idea for a post and get exited when I open my Google Reader and have a menu of entries awaiting me. However, with the onset of the heat, a back-breaking schedule of school, work, travel and more work, I haven't really found any Lily-inspiration lately.

I'm Lily-less.

I'm not motivated to blog about Michael Jackson. It's only proper to make fun of someone when they're alive.

I don't want to point to the Iranian conflict and say "I told you so" to all of the readers out there that commented on my "Tweet Resistance" saying that Twitter is a fad, so I won't.

I considered blogging about the U.S. Open and Bethpage Black. But with Rocco, Tiger and Ernie all out of it there was no use. I need more excitement like a play-off, not a rain delay.

I need inspiration. I need time off. I need the air conditioner pumped up to the next level.

Miss Appointments

She fought tooth and nail for her rights to free speech while defying the pageant tradition of touting world peace and vowing to help starving children. She defended those racy photos where the photographer accidentally took picture after picture of her boobs. She pleaded with Donald Trump to save her Miss California crown, and now after all that controversy is behind her, Carrie Prejean has a blond moment. She forgets to go to her Miss California appointments. Trump was not as forgiving this time, and she was fired.

I am not only giving Miss X-California a Tiger Lily, but I am here to say that I am now officially irritated with her. Let's just run down her moments of brilliance from the last few months:

Statement against same-sex marriage during the Miss USA pageant: My reaction—So what, free speech. She should, however, be prepared to lose the Miss USA competition even if it’s not fair.

Nude pictures that were an “accident”: My reaction—Liar. An accident? Right. Especially because she changed her story when more pictures surfaced on TMZ.com that were obviously not an accident. She quickly pulled the, “I’m not perfect” card. Close call, Carrie! You should be thanking your lucky-porn stars that the men on the evaluation committee allowed you to keep your crown.

I can just imagine how that meeting with Trump went:

Trump: “Well Carrie, I can see by these pictures that you didn’t mean to pose nude. (wink, wink) My wife, who is also a model, is constantly having accidental nude pictures taken. You can keep your crown.” (Taps her on the butt.)

Accepting pageant-funded fake boobs: My reaction—who cares, tons of people have fake boobs that were given to them by people who now regret footing the bill.

Not appearing at her Miss California appointments: My reaction—totally ridiculous. After being scrutinized, criticized and demoralized on national television, you don’t bother to show up to work. Nice.

Carrie had such potential for a positive Tiger Lily. She could have received what would have been a Tiger Lily for being a fantastically outspoken beauty contestant who spoke her mind no matter what the consequences. But now, thanks to her lack of attendance, my Tiger Lily is awarded to the Beauty Queen that that made just one too many mistakes.

This Tiger Lily is dedicated to a friend that is one of my most loyal blog followers and just happens to be an x- killer-smart beauty contestant. She’s beautiful, poised and shows up to work on time.

Tweet Resistance

I am a huge proponent of all the new social media. Facebook is something that I've come to love and use every day. I joined Twitter a few months ago and obviously, I have my own blog. It is my goal to be uber-connected and cutting-edge. (I'm fighting the impending "out of touch" label that accompanies a 30th birthday.) My tweets feed to my Facebook and to my blog. My website connects you to my virtual portfolio then back to my blog. I have a wiki that explains what an RSS feed is and how to use it-- and my RSS feed is built within my Gmail account where I get Facebook updates. As soon as I can afford a video camera, I'll be posting my own videos on YouTube instead of just watching them. Not to mention Flickr.


To my surprise, there are many people out there that are resisting this new technology. They refuse to join Facebook, let alone actually post a status update. They make fun of the Twitter tweets and cling on to email like it's really something progressive. I actually had a friend that asked me over lunch: "What's a blog?" I couldn't hide my horror.

Let's just review a few of the great things in life that people resisted in such a manner:

• Elvis and the Beatles
• Women's Rights and the abolition of slavery
• Television, computers, cell phones and email

It's inevitable. This new technology is here to stay and much like the good 'ole computer, I think we'll be seeing more of the same. If you refuse to catch on now, you'll be so confused in 2015 that you'll be asking your 7 year-old to explain things to you. (Sound familiar to anyone that has shown their mom or dad how to work the DVD player lately, for the 40th time?) This is not just a passing fad like disco, it's more like the automobile-- it's changing the way we live.

One of the largest sources of information on the web is a wiki-- this means that the users are driving the content. CNN and Fox update the news through a series of blogs. John Mayer announces his relationship status via Twitter and even Michelle Obama updates her Facebook page. Please, if Oprah, in her infinite wisdom has joined Twitter, why are you resisting?

In fact, I would bet my next pay check that although you may have stonewalled Facebook and Twitter, you're already indulging in some of this new technology. I'm sure you've read an online customer review before you made your latest purchase from Target, Amazon or Zappos. Or, you've watched a YouTube video lately and passed it along to a friend. (Why is it that those that are dragging their feet with social media have seemed to really embrace the forward? Oh how I wish that would become extinct.)

So kudos to those of you that are on board. And for those of you that aren't, the time was yesterday. Look at it as liberation from being "fed" information from companies and news channels. Instead, real people, just like you and me, are giving you the news, the product reviews and a real look at Dominoes Pizza. And bonus, you get to keep up with your 100 friends from college that you don't have time to talk to over the phone.

Tiger Lily to those of you make fun of those tweets. The joke's on you. Things are changing and you're getting left behind.

Special thanks to Stone Ward SWIM for inspiring my technology Tiger Lily. If you are interested in getting up-to-date, check out the link.

Tiger Lily to Angst-- Sallinger Style

A Rare Re-Post in Honor of the Late Sallinger.

About two weeks ago, Matt and I went on a much-needed vacation to Mexico. I was looking forward to eating too much at our all-inclusive resort and basking in the hot Cancun sun while washing away the swine flu with every hand-wash. And as part of my normal vacation ritual, I brought along a couple of books to read. (I am on this kick where I'm trying to read classics.) So as I was browsing the "required summer reading" shelves at Barnes and Noble, I ran across The Catcher in the Rye.

This particular edition of the "American Classic" didn't have a synopsis printed on the back or on the inside cover and I decided to take a gamble. I had no idea what the book was about, but I knew it was a classic and the first page caught my attention:

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. In the first place, my parents would have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about them. They’re quite touchy about anything like that, especially my father.”

The story opens with a depressed and angry 16-year old named Holden Caulfield, who has just been kicked out of his third or fourth prep school. The remaining 100 or so pages follow his trip home to face his parents who Holden expects will be very disappointed with him, yet again. The more the story continued to do nothing but follow this kid, the more engrossed I became. I empathized with this "screw up" who was terribly whiny and foul-mouthed. And as he described every adult he saw as a "phoney," I began to adopt his cynical views and became a little unhappy-- even on vacation. If I hadn't picked up Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons before we left, I might be in therapy right now.

The more I tried to figure out why The Catcher in the Rye was such an American Classic, the more baffled I became. And now, after two weeks of reflection, I have decided that this story of a young man's angst must have been cutting-edge in the 1950's. I'm sure this book was banned not only for the language and the mention of "feeling sexy" around a prostitute, but also because no one in America would have wanted little Johnny to adopt such a negative outlook on life.

All in all, I quite prefer Ferris Bueller's teen-angst to Holden Caulfield's. While I can relate with both characters, Ferris provides a more playful and hopeful view of what comes next in life, where Holden just depresses the hell out of you.

In response to all of this, I have begun trying to really focus on the "glass-half-full" approach to life. That, and Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons has really brought me out this loathing for all mankind and I'm starting to recover. Tiger Lily to Salinger's teen angst; it has caused me to focus on being happy.