Coffee Date- Pharma Style

Yesterday I met my husband at Starbucks for an early-morning coffee date. We succumbed to a piece of "low-fat" cinnamon coffee cake and talked about the day ahead. Amidst the heating of the milk that makes that unmistakable Starbucks sound, and the smell of burnt coffee, we began to hear a very loud and very country-accented patron talking about his "drug" (Drug X) and the number of prescriptions "Dr. Black" would be writing of this said drug. It reminded me of my pharmaceutical days and made me smile, and then cringe, and then smile again.

Country Sales Rep (CSR): "Hello Dr. Black. I'm so glad you could meet me this morning for coffee. I like to bring my docs here and treat them to something really special. How is your latte?" *Cheesy and self-satisfied smile*

Dr. Black: "It's great, CSR. You should bring me a vente next time you visit. (CSR takes a quick note.) Although I've met with many drug representatives from your company, you might just be one of my favorites. You really bring me information that is relevant to my patients." *Rolls his eyes while CSR takes a sip of his latte and reminds himself that CSR will be giving him a generous check after Wednesday night's dinner program-- at which he will serve as a speaker, again.*

CSR: "So, I've noticed that you have quite a few elderly patients in your practice." *Self-satisfied smile again, he thinks himself very perceptive and congratulates himself on delivering a clever hook that has now engaged Dr. Black.*

Dr. Black: "Why yes, CSR, I do have many elderly patients and I've really started writing Drug X for quite a few of them." *Checks his watch, decides that he needs to give CSR about 10 more minutes.*

CSR: "Well, that's what I wanted to talk with you about this morning. After looking at the prescribing data that my company gives me, it seems that you might only be writing Drug X for 98% of your patients. Now, I know that not all of your patients are elderly, but surely all of them would benefit from Drug X? In fact, the other day, I was talking to one of my Nurse Practitioners who is a huge writer of Drug X; she was telling me that she has seen Drug X make such a difference in her middle-aged patients' lives, that they are now able to walk all the way to the mailbox and back, play that extra nine holes of golf, and even do their yard work again. And now that Drug X is fully covered on Blue Cross and Blue Shield, there's not really any reason you shouldn't write it for every patient in your practice." *Short pause, then CSR remembers that he should "check-in" or take Dr. Black's pulse.* So, he adds, "Does this make sense Dr. Black?"

Dr. Black: *Has been glad to have CSR engaged in his sales-pitch and has been eyeing the sexy/gothic coffee barista as she pours out a cafe mocha. Realizes CSR has stopped talking and luckily caught the last part of what he just said.* "Well, I do think that makes a lot of sense, CSR. I'll have to try that today."

CSR: *Baffled. Dumbfounded. Does not know what to do. Has been practicing possible objections in his car all morning and this "agreeable" response was not something he was prepared for. Takes the lid off his coffee and peers inside the cup to buy some time.* "Well, that is wonderful Dr. Black. I have been trying to win this big trip with my company and I really needed that 2% of your patients." *Self-satisfied smile again. Nice recovery and applauds his honesty. Honesty is always the best policy.*

Dr. Black: "Well CSR, I'd better be going. Thank you so much for the latte. I had to go with my regular order this morning, but when you bring me my vente tomorrow, bring me the one you ordered. What did you call it again?"

CSR: "Tiger Lily Spiced Latte, extra sugar but hold the whip. They are really great. I owe all my success to the Tiger Lily Latte." *Shakes Dr. Black's hand and goes back to his car to log a few "no-signature" calls. He also leaves the following voice message for his teammates:

"Hey Little Rock Road Runners-- this is CSR and I have a success story to leave with all of you-- My relationship has just reached its peak with Dr. Black. I've been really working on him this month and as we sat down to our morning coffee, he agreed to write Drug X for 100% of his patients. I will be available tonight if anyone wants to talk one-on-one about this victory and how to do this in your own territory. Make it a great day and good-selling!"

Meanwhile Dr. Black returns his nurse's call that he missed during the coffee-sales pitch: "Marie, yes, I can make it to lunch with Drug Rep B. And please tell Drug Rep C that I will see him this afternoon at 2:00. Tell him I said, "Go Hogs." Also, please make sure that the check from Drug Rep D is deposited into my special account and call Drug Rep E for samples. I'll be back to the clinic in a few minutes."

Leanne: *Wry smile* Please excuse my exaggerated re-count of that pharmaceutical masterpiece. This is not a true characterization of what the job is really like for a good sales rep-- but you have to admit that there are a lot of CSR's out there and it's just so hard not to poke fun at it them sometimes. But a quick note to CSR-- I wouldn't have been able to make fun of you today if you hadn't been talking so loud!

Keeping out the Tiger Lilies

The azaleas are beginning to bloom in our front flower bed, but you can barely see them thanks to the unyielding efforts of the impatiens that are still holding their own from early spring. The majority of the impatiens are a deep magenta, with a few coral and white buds resurfacing from last year's batch. They are so large and beautiful that they almost look like brightly polka-dotted bushes.

In fact, I've taken such care with the impatiens, that their fullness is actually a little overstated and it's obvious that I let the miracle grow flow as freely as the rain did this summer. They almost seem unnatural. But I continue to get compliments on the front bed and I have resisted the urge to plant my fall pansies which should last throughout the winter.

Similarly, thanks to the sole efforts of my husband, the grass in the front is as lovely as the ruff at Augusta. To the swelling pride of us both, we even had a neighbor remark that he would love to take a chipping wedge to our front yard.

And now to the back yard. 18 months ago, our back yard was in okay shape, but never being happy with good-enough, I decided that it needed an artistic touch. I bought a climbing mandavilla which was planted in a big pot and let it stretch its way across my deck. The mandavilla is a tropical flower and something that I had never grown before, but with the heat and a little water, it began to grow and bloom. I helped it spread out by tying some of the vines to the deck posts, guiding its path here and there. Aside from the bird's nest that was being rebuilt by a mama robin for her spring babies under the overhang of the roof, the mandavilla was the shining star of the back yard.

The grass was also in okay shape-- save one persnickety little spot that just wouldn't grow any grass. We fertilized, we watered, we even had a professional lawn service take a look at it. Finally, surrendering to the mystery of horticulture and not having the patience for this inconvenience, we decided to see if the health of the rest of the yard would soon overtake the brown patch. With a little patience and perseverance, we thought we'd have something as beautiful as Amen Corner in our back yard, too.

But as much as my impatiens flourished and spread in the front, the grass began to die with equal tenacity in the back. And the more it died, the less I tried to fix it. And truth be told, I never really tried to fix it, I just complained about it to my husband. I complained that we weren't getting our money's worth from our professional lawn service, I complained that it was ugly, I even quit picking the weeds that grew despite the lack of grass. And then, I let my mandavilla die. To punctuate the backyard's decay, I left the skeleton of the mandavilla tied to the deck for months.

It surprises me that the problems we're having in the back haven't surfaced in the front. But in truth, I have sure spent more time and effort on the front. The only hint of my inadequacy as a gardener, ironically, is the impressive size and success of the impatiens. Like I said, they look almost too big, unnatural, artificial. And their lack of authenticity is beginning to overshadow and stunt the growth of the beautiful azaleas. Pretty soon, Tiger Lilies will begin to bloom in full force. Something I've been worried about for a long time.

So starting October 1st, it will be time for some pruning of the front. Actually, it will be time for a slash and burn. It won't be pretty at first, but I hope what will result will be even more beautiful than the impatiens. And more importantly, it is time for some real attention to the back. And I'm making the time. The back yard is not glamorous, people won't compliment me for it, but I know I need to do all of this to maintain a healthy yard, both inside and out.

I'm pretty sure that the Tiger Lilies were just beginning to reach the surface in the front, despite my miracally-grown impatiens. But I've made up my mind. I'm not going to let that happen.

I am a good gardener. I know it. And honestly, this is way more about me than the yard.

Special thanks to my mother and my husband for helping with all of it, and for helping with all that lies ahead. On to greener pastures. Literally.

The BOOMER Outcomes Trial (Abstract and Commentary)

(The following article was published in the TIGER LILIES Journal for its absurd nature, author's baffling strong relationship with Boomer parents and the uninformed nature of the content.)

Non-Randomized, but largely intentional dominance of Boomer generation's opinions applied to health care debate and plausible resulting outcomes.

Leanne Deason, M.D.* and on behalf of the Generation X and Millennial Generation Study Investigators

Abstract

Objective: To determine the causes and outcomes of the Boomer Generation's dominance in the current health care debate, and to provide possible prevention measures.

Research Design and Methods: The BOOMER Outcomes Trial is purely an observational trial in which investigators have merely observed current trends in Baby Boomer behavior and concluded by giving their opinions as to the negative implications for later generations. The investigators of the BOOMER Outcomes Trial would like this to serve in the prevention of the total annihilation of Generation X and Millennials' futures.

Warning: If you are over the age of 50, the reading of the BOOMER Outcomes Trial may be hazardous to your health. It may cause an unnecessary increase in blood pressure and high levels of furiousness. Contact your doctor right away if you feel that this trial has "hit a nerve" or caused you difficulty in thinking clearly. If you are pregnant, plan to become pregnant or are breast-feeding, read on; you are probably young enough to handle the following truths about the Baby Boomer generation.

Results: Of the 76 million Baby Boomers, many have whined, cried and yelled their way through the national health care debate. Cigarettes in hand, and with the power of numbers and the almighty AARP behind them, they will decide to have their cake and eat it too. Seen here is a brave Gen Xer who risks job-loss, family excommunication and general humiliation if she continues to hold up her sign of civility.

Brace yourselves Generation X and Millennials, the impending and hefty Baby Boomer medical costs we will be obliged to absorb may come as a sucker punch from parents who "coddled" us into existence and even babied us through adulthood.** According to the Boomers themselves, we are not prepared for the grim reality that faces us in the near future. The cold hard truth: Boomers are shaping the health care plan to take care of #1. And we're going to pay for it.

Commentary

Here's how Boomers have managed to bull-doze the later generations:

Generation X and Millennals have been unfairly characterized as lazy slobs who feel entitled to everything. Check out this story from CBS written about Millennals in the work force. The Boomer advertising executive quoted actually has this to say about how to speak to Millennials:

"You do have to speak to them a little bit like a therapist on television might speak to a patient," Salzman says, laughing. "You can't be harsh. You cannot tell them you're disappointed in them. You can't really ask them to live and breathe the company. Because they're living and breathing themselves and that keeps them very busy." Later she expands: "These young people will tell you what time their yoga class is and [that] the day's work will be organized around the fact that they have this commitment. So you actually envy them. How wonderful it is to be young and have your priorities so clear. Flipside of it is how awful it is to be managing the extension, sort of, of the teenage babysitting pool."

This story made the investigator's blood boil. The lazy-entitled nature of the Millennals is something that is now widely accepted as fact thanks to this type of propaganda being shoveled by the Boomer generation. While many highly productive, Gen Xers and Millennials work hard at their jobs, (aka: being babysat by a highly-superior Boomer) they can't shake this unflattering characterization which is being used against them to set policy. Seen here are Boomer town-hall attendees who vote in favor of "sticking it to these lazy, Millennal SOB's."

Further observations in this study lead to the following evidence: Boomers control the media. Brian Williams, NBC- age 50, Charlie Gibson, ABC- age 66, Katie Couric, CBS- age 52. The list goes on, even the lead-cast of the Today Show: Mereditih Vieria, Matt Lauer and Ann Curry qualify for a senior citizen discount.

Additionally, the senior special interest group, AARP, has ramped up their pro-Boomer efforts with their "Divided We Fail" and the "Assault on the Truth" campaigns. As complaining about the Medicare Donut Hole gets passe, (the portion of the Medicare Drug plan that they actually have to pay for), they are now showing commercials that depict "special interest groups" barring them from medical treatment. In the commercial, an ambulance, no doubt carrying a Boomer, is diverted from its route to the hospital by Millennials driving the "speical interest" cars.

Obviously, a Millennial is driving the "special interest group" car because no Boomer could maneuver a car like that anymore.

Possible Preventative Measures

The investigators would like to point out that they do not know how to remedy the health care crisis but will be brazen enough to suggest a few possible improvements that can be made:

1. Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials should all begin eating healthy and exercising.

2. Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials should all except that health care is going to cost and it's probably going to cost a lot.

3. Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials should accept responsibility for themselves and not push it off to other generations.

When the investigation committee asked two Boomers what they thought of these suggestions, they responded with a simple:

* M.D. just stands for mostly distressed.

**These facts have been given by Baby Boomers and are not corroborated by later generations.

I Already Cased the Joint: A Public Enemies Movie Review

“This is a stick up! You and your broad get over there you mutt, I’m taking your money, see, and even though this movie ain’t too swell, you’re gonna’ say you like it, or you’ll be pushing up daisies!” Director Michael Mann of Public Enemies.

Was that over-the top? Did I throw in way too many mobster-sayings? Did it sound cliché? Were you waiting for Bugs Bunny to jump out and chomp on a carrot? Well if you said yes to any of these questions, you might skip Public Enemies this weekend.

Despite its amazing cast of characters, a good story and the possibilities of fantastic set and costume design, Public Enemies left me scratching my head. What was it about this movie that made it virtually impossible to achieve a suspension of disbelief?

It wasn’t the plot. The story delivered.

John Dillinger, a notorious bank-robber of the early 1930’s, breaks his buddies from an Indiana jail in the opening scenes. He then goes on a crime spree in Chicago, robbing banks like a gangster should. A team of men, in dapper suits and fedora hats rob big banks in mere seconds with Dillinger at the helm and a get-away-car waiting outside. There are oozies galore and a bit of blood and guts, but it’s not too gory. With characters like Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd on board and a beautiful “black bird” female-love interest to spice up Dillinger’s down-time, I really enjoyed the story.

Character-non-development? Although the character development left a few stones unturned, this wasn’t the problem. We don’t really care why Dillinger did it; we just want to see him do it!


As history remembers him, The Robin Hood of mobsters, Dillinger refuses to take the bank customers’ money, instead only stealing from the bank vault. What a saint! The movie enlightens the audience to only one thing about Dillinger’s childhood—that it was abusive—and we learn nothing of his adult life before robbing banks. But we know this: he’s funny, he’s charming and he’s popular with the ladies, enough for me.

Maybe it was the acting. Or the over-acting of one particular actor—Christian Bale. Yes, this is part of it, we’re getting closer.


Coming off of his blockbuster Batman hit, Bale is a rising star despite his off-screen tantrums. Cast as Melvin Purvis, the FBI agent who lives to bring down criminals and was appointed by J. Edgar Hoover himself, Purvis is not a character-stretch for Bale. It’s almost as if he’s being type-cast as a good-looking justice seeker. (Anyone remember his break-out performance in Newsies? That’s when I fell in love.) But this time, Bale doesn’t have a Batman mask to hide behind and his depiction of Purvis is so intense and over-the-top that you begin to wonder if Bale’s good-guy performance is being pulled from the pages of a comic. I think he even uses the “Batman voice” a few times.


Was it Johnny Depp?

No. He was amazing.

Was it the cinematography or the lack of set and costume-design? Yes. Yes. And Yes again.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. And then I had to hide my eyes because I thought I was going to be sick. It wasn’t quite as “wonderful-nauseating” as a Borne film, and definitely not as Blair Witch grainy and intentional-amateur-esque, but something in between. It was just a mess of awful camera work that made me sea-sick and left me laughing. Everything seemed fake. I couldn’t get into any of the action scenes because I felt like at any moment, we would see the geeky guy that made movies in high school pop out from behind the camera to make his Hollywood-director’s début.

Also, there were no special effects, save one, where an FBI agent decides on a slow-motion summersault through the air before shooting one of Dillinger’s cronies. And my favorite, laughable moment, is when Dillinger is awoken by gun-shots in his Minnesota hide-out. With Depp channeling Jack-Sparrow, the Director quickly cuts to Depp’s crazy eyes when he hears the gun-shots. (My movie-going friend and I bust out laughing in the theatre.) And without going into detail—the set and costume design was weak at best. Let’s just say it was no Atonement.


I blame the Director, Michael Mann for this potential Hollywood-blockbuster’s death. The obituary for this summer-movie could read: "Born to be a Hollywood Blockbuster, Public Enemies died an amateur-disappointment that left this world on the wrong side of equilibrium. Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are it’s only survivors." And then I’d lay a Tiger Lily at the gravesite.

So should you see this movie?

Absolutely. Ladies, if you can get both Johnny Depp and Christian Bale for the price of one Blockbuster-renter, I say go for it. But save your $17 bucks for a ticket and popcorn for Harry Potter. I’m sure it will have better special effects.

Arkansas and Oklahoma/Texas Face Off

Contrary to what you might think, I am actually a native Texan and not originally from Arkansas. I was born near Amarillo, Texas, later lived in the Houston area and then moved to Arkansas when I was 10 years old. After being raised in the Natural State, I gladly left home for the University of Oklahoma and later married a wonderful guy from Edmond—hoping that he would take me back there someday. And as crazy as it sounds, we still live in Little Rock and actually like it.

But as we have been traveling a lot lately, and I’ve begun to think twice about the land-that-I-love. After going to Texas two weekends ago for a wedding and then to Oklahoma City last week for a friend’s 30th birthday, I began to wonder what it was about Arkansas that we liked so much. For instance, if Arkansas faced-off with Texas or Oklahoma, which state would prevail?

1. Let’s start with the obvious: Sports.

What kills me is that people in Arkansas hate OU and the University of Texas. Arkansans even tell Aggie jokes which strikes me as completely ironic because the state is well-known for Tyson foods, Hogs and soybeans. But back to sports, who would ever question the dominance of OU and UT over Arkansas? Hell, as much as I hate to say it, OSU could even stomp the Hogs. I know Arkansas will occasionally win a hard-fought battle against these arch enemies who aren’t even in the SEC, but overall—if I’m being honest, this is a point for Oklahoma and Texas.

2. Targets/Shopping.

With a state as large as Texas, it is inevitable that the shopping is going to be better than Arkansas. So let’s just throw Texas out on this one, and focus on the shopping debate between Arkansas and Oklahoma. First, I think it is important to say that I’m not talking about designer shopping, because I’m really only concerned with essential purchases. And I could argue that most essential shopping can be done at a Target store. Except not in Arkansas. In the land of Wal-Mart, (Wal-Mart was founded in Bentonville, Arkansas) there isn’t even a single, solitary, Super Target. If I want to buy the creations of Mossimo along with an ear of corn, I’m out of luck. Even on the shampoo aisle in Edmond, Oklahoma’s Target I started to get depressed. Who knew there were more than five choices of shampoo and conditioner? Point to Oklahoma and Texas.

3. News coverage.

While in Texas two weekends ago, my husband and I learned of the conflict in Iran, and thank goodness. If we’d been in Arkansas, watching the local news, who knows what local grass-fire would have eclipsed this international crisis? To be fair, in Arkansas, local stations do cover national and international stories, but honestly, one station actually brags about only covering the local news, as if we aren’t insulated enough from the rest of the world. Yes, we have the Internet and wear shoes most of the time, but after watching a night full of Channel 4, you have to laugh as we perpetuate our own stereotypes. Point to Oklahoma and Texas.

4. Accents.

Most people who have never been to Arkansas would think that we have beautiful Southern accents. Designing Women and Gone with the Wind’s Tara come to mind. And then you hear an Arkansan talk. It’s this “Arkansas” accent that hits you right between the eyes and the terms, “hillbilly” and “hick” come to mind. Now, some people can’t help it. They’ve been raised here and while they might be well educated and very non-Hillbilly, the accent is just as unavoidable as it is distinct. Case-and-point: (And I am not making this up.) When traveling in Europe one summer during college, my travel companion and I were literally standing in the middle of the Forum in Rome. When suddenly, I was frozen in my Chacos, listening to the distinct and somewhat jarring sounds of an Arkansan speaking. I immediately told my travel-mate that I was sure those people were from Arkansas, and to make things even more hilarious and small-town, I knew them. It was my preacher, his wife and daughter. We had a nice chat with Mrs. Anne and went on our way.

To contrast, let’s examine the Texas and Oklahoma accents. Texas: I had a pledge sister in college from Panhandle, Texas. She had a beautiful drawl that everyone loved. It endeared us to her. The accent of this cattle-rancher’s daughter didn’t cause us to wince, we actually thought it was sweet. Oklahoma: Most people from Oklahoma are accent-neutral. In fact, it’s such an ambiguous accent that when my husband first went to training with his company in New Jersey, people couldn’t guess where he was from. Now, eight years of Arkansas later, his teammates are making fun of what he has accidentally absorbed. I said it was unavoidable. Point to Texas and Oklahoma.

5. Fun things to do.

Little Rock is the capital city of Arkansas and one of the largest cities in the state. We don’t have a professional sports team, or even a Cheesecake Factory, but we do have the Skatium. The one skating rink in the city is so hopping on Sunday nights that the police are called out to manage all of the pre-teens who take to the street. Some wander their way up to Wal-Mart to get a coke while others hangout at the snow-cone hut and make it a perfect weekend.

In Oklahoma City, they have an area called Bricktown which is quickly becoming Oklahoma’s version of the San Antonio Riverwalk. The Oklahoma City Thunder shoots baskets at the Ford Center and Billy Joel and Elton John actually had a sold-out concert in Tulsa. Snow cones on Sunday begin to pale in comparison to these Oklahoma and Texas attractions. Point to Oklahoma and Texas.

I could go on.

But as I write all of this, I begin to feel like a horrible person. After all, I defend Arkansas all over the U. S. when people make fun of Bill Clinton’s home state. Although Texas and Oklahoma are clearly the winners here, I’ll continue to pay that high Arkansas-state income tax with a smile on my face; I’ll faithfully save for my future-children’s private-high school education; and I’ll cheer for the doomed Hogs as they willingly enter into an eight year football contract with Texas A & M. It’s a pride for Arkansas that is unexplainable. Tiger Lily to Arkansas.

Lily-less

One of my favorite past-times is blogging- both reading and writing. I love it when I get a really good idea for a post and get exited when I open my Google Reader and have a menu of entries awaiting me. However, with the onset of the heat, a back-breaking schedule of school, work, travel and more work, I haven't really found any Lily-inspiration lately.

I'm Lily-less.

I'm not motivated to blog about Michael Jackson. It's only proper to make fun of someone when they're alive.

I don't want to point to the Iranian conflict and say "I told you so" to all of the readers out there that commented on my "Tweet Resistance" saying that Twitter is a fad, so I won't.

I considered blogging about the U.S. Open and Bethpage Black. But with Rocco, Tiger and Ernie all out of it there was no use. I need more excitement like a play-off, not a rain delay.

I need inspiration. I need time off. I need the air conditioner pumped up to the next level.

Miss Appointments

She fought tooth and nail for her rights to free speech while defying the pageant tradition of touting world peace and vowing to help starving children. She defended those racy photos where the photographer accidentally took picture after picture of her boobs. She pleaded with Donald Trump to save her Miss California crown, and now after all that controversy is behind her, Carrie Prejean has a blond moment. She forgets to go to her Miss California appointments. Trump was not as forgiving this time, and she was fired.

I am not only giving Miss X-California a Tiger Lily, but I am here to say that I am now officially irritated with her. Let's just run down her moments of brilliance from the last few months:

Statement against same-sex marriage during the Miss USA pageant: My reaction—So what, free speech. She should, however, be prepared to lose the Miss USA competition even if it’s not fair.

Nude pictures that were an “accident”: My reaction—Liar. An accident? Right. Especially because she changed her story when more pictures surfaced on TMZ.com that were obviously not an accident. She quickly pulled the, “I’m not perfect” card. Close call, Carrie! You should be thanking your lucky-porn stars that the men on the evaluation committee allowed you to keep your crown.

I can just imagine how that meeting with Trump went:

Trump: “Well Carrie, I can see by these pictures that you didn’t mean to pose nude. (wink, wink) My wife, who is also a model, is constantly having accidental nude pictures taken. You can keep your crown.” (Taps her on the butt.)

Accepting pageant-funded fake boobs: My reaction—who cares, tons of people have fake boobs that were given to them by people who now regret footing the bill.

Not appearing at her Miss California appointments: My reaction—totally ridiculous. After being scrutinized, criticized and demoralized on national television, you don’t bother to show up to work. Nice.

Carrie had such potential for a positive Tiger Lily. She could have received what would have been a Tiger Lily for being a fantastically outspoken beauty contestant who spoke her mind no matter what the consequences. But now, thanks to her lack of attendance, my Tiger Lily is awarded to the Beauty Queen that that made just one too many mistakes.

This Tiger Lily is dedicated to a friend that is one of my most loyal blog followers and just happens to be an x- killer-smart beauty contestant. She’s beautiful, poised and shows up to work on time.