Little Rock Traffic Engineers

No, this is not a picture of the digital traffic boards recently erected in Little Rock. But they might as well be in Chinese.

It has been a while since I've posted, mainly because work has been a little busy, school has revved back up, the new fall fashions are out and football season is in full swing! This brings me to the latest Tiger Lily.

A few months ago, the metropolis of Little Rock erected 3 new digital traffic boards on our Interstate 630 thoroughfare, which is a whopping 7 miles long. I take 630 every morning and evening to and from work. Well, the Traffic Engineers of our great city decided that it would be a good use of tax payer dollars to put up these 3 digital boards-- and I still haven't quite figured out their real purpose.

At first, I thought, "Oh, these boards will let us know of traffic accidents so that we can choose an alternate route." However, they have never reported any accidents on the board, that I have seen, and even if they did that would be absurd. This strip of highway is only 7 miles long, by the time you reach one of those boards that might tell you there has been an accident, you are already stuck and will probably be past the accident before you find an exit to get off the highway. Ok, so they are not there to report traffic accidents.

Next, I noticed one morning that the boards were flashing, "Ozone Action Day." What a great idea Little Rock Traffic Engineers! Alert the public to the fact that it is an "Ozone Action Day" to encourage the citizens of Little Rock to carpool, take the bus or ride their bikes. Brilliant, only it's too late. We are already driving to work.

Then I thought, "Ah ha, they will use those digital boards for Arkansas football!" Now for those of you that are not Arkansans, although the Razorbacks call Fayetteville home, they play two games a year in Little Rock. This always jams up the traffic on 630, and although this is something that only happens on 2 of 365 days of the entire year, maybe the Engineers thought that this would be money well spent for Razorback fans. (We are a bit fanatical about those Hogs.) But, alas, the digital boards were not used to direct non-football traffic away from the stadium exit, instead, portable digital boards were brought in while the above mentioned, 3 permanent digital boards were benched. They were turned off that Saturday.

I don't know why this surprises me. I have lived in Little Rock for most of my life and have seen the brilliance of these Little Rock Traffic Engineers. Take the speed humps that they erected in every neighborhood in town to slow down traffic. Yes, I said "humps." This is what the city calls them on their Web site. They are humps because they are much wider than a traditional speed bump. Ironically, I can remember ramping these in high school because they don't exactly do much damage if you take them at high speed.

Then, the Engineers put in a number of "roundabouts" in Pleasant Valley Neighborhood. (After the speed humps did not have their desired effects.) These Little Rock "roundabouts" aren't exactly of London quality. This is because the Engineers did not increase the size of the intersections to create the "roundabouts," but instead placed a big concrete slab right in the middle with a sign that indicated that you had to drive around this concrete slab. You are a skilled driver if you can avoid hitting the curb while navigating these speed-deterrents.

No, I haven't gone "Ron-Paul" but sometimes I wonder why our city government is allowed to make these crazy decisions. Every time I get my paycheck and watch my precious money go to this great state, I start to wonder what it would be like if they had a lot less of our tax dollars to spend? Maybe a land without speed humps, roundabouts and useless, tiger-lilied digital traffic boards.

Longhorn Bull

Somehow my Longhorn Tiger Lily disappeared the other day. Conspiracy? I worried for a moment that the Big-Brother-Blogger-Moderator might live in Austin. Maybe. But I found it and re-posted.

Just for good measure I'd like to point out something very interesting... even some of the sports writers are calling the Longhorns "flaky."

Ok, I promise to get back to the Tiger Lily's-- this will be my last trash-talking for August.

http://www.bcsfootball.org/cfb/wcStory?contentId=8388646#story=8348812

Eco-Fatigue Update...

This writer at Advertising Age must have read my Tiger Lily, "The Going Green Fad", and been inspired. I say, "hooray!" to Ms. Jennifer Maxwell-Muir. And Ditto.

Check out her article. Good stuff.

http://adage.com/cmostrategy/article?article_id=130411

Future Longhorns- Little budding Tiger Lilies?

“Boomer Sooner!” Another hilarious story from the Longhorns, the pride of the state of Texas. Check out this story from a recent cheerleading camp that the Longhorns held on campus earlier this month:


http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/yahoolatestnews/stories/080708dntexcheerleaders.1d70ab35.html?npc


For those of you that didn’t click on the link, the short version of the story is this: 26 high school cheerleaders, aged 14-17 at Texas Cheer Camp, decided to squeeze into an elevator—just to see how many people they could fit inside. And surprise! After the elevator descended from the fourth floor to the first, it got stuck. Well, one of the girls fainted and a few others were treated at the scene after one cheerleader was able to wiggle out a cell phone to call for help.


What a brain-trust. I guess there really isn’t safety in numbers after all. But maybe I’m being too hard on the girls. Maybe I’ve just been lucky to avoid such an innocent, adolescent mistake. Maybe it’s just been my claustrophobic tendencies that have kept me safe from such tragedies. Or maybe it’s just common sense. But who can blame these girls?, they were just under the influence of the mighty-wise Longhorns.


One such wise University of Texas Director of Communications, Rhonda Weldon, was quoted as saying, “There are signs everywhere: No more than 15 people or 3,000 pounds. Take the sign seriously.” Ok, so the Director of Communications points out the obvious, thank you Director of Communications. I’m glad the paper called you for a quote. Now, what about the explanation we are all looking for… where were the Camp Counselors? Probably cheering them on, literally.


My favorite part of the whole story is that this all went down, again, both figuratively and literally, in Jester Hall. Oh what a perfect stage for these little fools to play out their parts.


And herein lies the irony. Texas is revered as being one of the best schools in this region and maybe even the nation. A UT Bachelor’s Degree, MBA or Law Degree is held in high regard. Well, I’m here to say that street smarts will out-wit book smarts any day.


This story was just teeming with Tiger Lily possibility, but, because the cheerleaders sadly played into the cheerleader stereotype so well, it didn't seem appropriate to give them an award for a "lovely contradiction." So instead, the Tiger Lily goes to the Director of Communications. Rhonda, it’s a good thing that UT has you to handle these delicate PR situations.

Law & Order = Complete Chaos

Click the following link before you start reading this, I insist.

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

Now we're ready. I'd like to give a Tiger Lily to Law & Order because it has created complete chaos in my life. Ironic and sad. Thank you Dick Wolf.

My husband has been out of town the last few days which has just intensified my Law & Order compulsion, but to be true, this affair has been going on for quite some time. While my husband finishes up his work at night, I sneak off to the bedroom to watch a few episodes. Not since Harry Potter have I been so obsessed with something meant to be entertaining. But it's my guilty pleasure. I blame the networks for their relentless supply of SVU's and Criminal Intents. Like waves crashing on the shore of my bedroom, they never stop coming. And I can't stop watching. Thank you USA.

I had big plans for this week. Matt would be out of town for three nights and I could do some laundry, go to the grocery store, read a book, get some work done at night without feeling guilty and maybe even go out to dinner with a girlfriend. But I needed a hit. After I dropped Matt off at the airport, I drove home thinking about laundry and Law & Order. They go hand-in-hand.

I would flip on USA and watch one episode. This is what is so wonderful about Law & Order. You don't have to keep up because there aren't any plot lines that extend beyond one program. It's in-and-out. One juicy plot, all unveiled and solved in one hour. Amazing. It's a show that doesn't require setting a DVR. Not to mention that they are on day and night. (Although setting the DVR is a plus, because if you have to get up to go to the bathroom, you can rewind it, not miss a minute--then fast forward through the commercials.)

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

Then one episode turned into two, and two into five. Now it was late at night and Olivia, Elliot and I were settling into bed with my last load of laundry still in the dryer. I hadn't gone to the store to get my usual Sunday load of groceries, but instead settled for a dinner of cereal with some almost-expired milk. Perfect. That's what Elliot would do.

So now my three nights are up, the house is a complete mess, the laundry is still in the dryer and my Love in the Time of Cholera book has yet to be cracked. But the cases were. One right after the other. I can just see Olivia looking at me with that concerned look like she does with the victim that won't report her attacker. In Law & Order's defense, it's a harmless television program that didn't mean to hurt me... it just keeps me up at night worrying that someone is trying to break into my house.

I'm pretty sure Detective Goren would be able to diagnose my addiction pretty quickly and get me to scream out my confession of Law & Order madness in no time. There might even be a syndrome for this one.

Well, I hereby find Law & Order guilty of a Tiger Lily. For something that has "order" in the title, this has really created a huge mess.

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

The Going Green Fad

I'm so tired of hearing businesses and people say, "We've gone green!" Can someone please define this for me? Because as far as I can tell, anybody can say they've gone green, slap a few spiral light bulbs in the office lamps, and presto-chango, they are environmentally friendly.

Americans seem to be a little hypocritical to me as this energy crisis looms. In fact, I think we're just a nation of hypocritical complainers. As this "green" fad grows, I find it ironic that the people around me, while working at these "green" businesses haven't done much to "green" their own lives. I'm just as guilty-- I'm part of an organization that values this "green" initiative and and I drive my SUV to work and then complain about high gas prices.

So, then I decided that I would not go "green." In fact, I was totally against "green." I'd gone "black." This is the color of oil and I love oil. I was going to drive around town with the a/c on full blast, buy my Diet Dr. Pepper from Sonic-- guiltlessly enjoying my Styrofoam cup, and run the water the entire time I brushed my teeth.

I even went as far as debating these "greenies." In my "going black" mindset, I told one of my good friends that I was tired of hearing people complain and that I was just going to drive my SUV and pay the dad-gum $4-a-gallon. Then I got my hand slapped: she insisted that some people couldn't afford these higher gas prices and that it was hard for the average working man to make ends-meet. Families were having a hard time putting food on the table and this was a serious crisis. Well, I felt bad. I must admit that I live a charmed life with many luxuries and I will be the first to say that I am very fortunate. I quieted down about "going black."

But after a few days and a good dose of CNN's complaining, I started thinking... I wonder what percentage of these people crying about gas prices have cable television? Smoke two packs a day? Eat out for lunch? The problem is, and I'm included, a lot of people expect to continue their live styles without making any sacrifices when the gas prices go up. Instead of "going green" I think we need to "get real." Even if we can afford the gas, maybe we should lower our consumption so that the prices will go down? Or at least just stop complaining! I'm no genius and don't pretend have the answers but I do think that each of us could do something. So I had to ask myself a tough question: What have I been doing in response to this crisis? Nothing.

So I weighed my options:

1. Run for Congress- not independently wealthy, so that's out of the question.

2. Buy a Vespa Scooter. Oooh, what a fun and fashionable option! But the hills in Little Rock and my driving record make this little more than a dream.

3. Carpool- well, I would burn just as much gas picking people up and I don't really want my car to bake in the local park-and-ride.

4. Have my husband take me to work. A chauffeur! Right, I'm sure he would love that.

5. Take the bus. Still the park-and-ride issue, but so far, the best option.

So today, I took the bus to work. Just to see. And I will have to say it was a lot of fun. The sacrifice I'm making is 30 minutes of sleep because it takes that much longer to get to work on the bus than it does for me to drive. However, I love books on tape and I'm sure I could answer a few e-mails on my blackberry during the trip. Maybe it's a lame effort and okay, so I'm only saving $50 a month by taking the bus, but Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

Well, before I get revolutionary, I'll have to remember it's only been one bus ride-- and I haven't even taken the return ride home. But we'll see. Until then, I'm giving "going green" a Tiger Lily until it means something more than a recycle bin and a lot of complaining.

The Club

This Tiger Lily was inspired by my sister who blogged about music a few days ago. Check it out but be warned if you are a hip-hop music lover that this comes from her vantage point as a mother.

http://rmauk-controlledchaos.blogspot.com/2008/06/music-therapy.html

However, I had to agree with most of her sentiments until she attacked Jay-Z and then I was offended. But her indignation got me thinking about music and inspired my thoughts on the elusive “club.” If you are unfamiliar with "the club" here are a few explanations.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/ defines the “club” as:

• “A place for social gatherings, that plays the latest music and encourages dancing and drinking.”


• “Place where e’erbody gets tipsy.” (He’s got his fake I.D. so it’s no problem.)
  
  

But really, the main source of information about "the club" comes from popular music. This is the first place that really sparked my interest about “the club.” I am a fan of rap music, (I backed my ass up in college as all good sorority girls do) and these clubs sound really amazing. Again, here are a few explanations of what “the club” is, and what happens at “the club”:

• Usher explains in his hit song, Love in this Club, that he “wanna make love in this club, yea, make love in this club, yea, in this club, yea, in this club” and so on. He then explains to his girl that he’s “About to hit the club, Make a movie, yeah rated R… on the couch, on the table, on the bar or on the floor.”
  
  
  

  (Kim Kardashian. Here's someone who is no stranger to these types of "R" rated movies made with hip-hop artisits.)

• In Ray-J’s catchy song, Sexy Can I, his girlfriend works at the club. Ray-J asks his girlfriend “Sexy can I, visit you at work, while you sliding down the pole…I make it rain in the club like Ohh, ohh, ohh.”
  
• Also, please correct me if I’m misinformed, but Justin Timberlake encourages his ladies to get their sexy back in the club: “Come here girl (Go ‘head be gone with it) Come to the back (Go ‘head be gone with it) VIP! (Go ‘head be gone with it) Drinks on me.”

But where are these “clubs”? I’ve certainly never been there. I tried the Piano Bar downtown and it wasn’t really “the club” experience I’d hoped for. The closest I’ve come to finding this “club” was in Cancun Mexico at the ever popular, Coco Bongos.

But I didn’t really see any of this glamorous stuff going on. No one bought me anything I’d like to be sippn’ on. We had arm bracelets that afforded us an endless sampling of their alcohol infused Gatorade. I also didn’t feel like a VIP packed in there with all the sweaty 20-somethings. However I do remember a few Circ De Soleil wanna-be’s doing some acrobatics on a “pole” between the Madonna and Beyonce numbers. But, somehow, I don’t think those are the same poles that Ray-J is talking about.

For the most part, the types of clubs that I’ve encountered have a lot of this going on:

(And I'm sorry if that's your Aunt, but she should be careful not to have her picture taken if she's going to dance like that.) People are getting in fights, doing line dances and drinking long-necks or well drinks. Oh well, the search continues for "the club."

To conclude, I must admit that as my thirties are creepn’ closer, I have really given up the search for “the club.” But, in good club form, I’d like to send a shout out to some of my favorites along the way:

• Opie’s-Norman, Oklahoma


• The Cowboy- Little Rock, Arkansas


• The Thirsty Turtle- somewhere in New Jersey (thanks Pfizer)
  
• Coco Bongo’s- Cancun, Mexico


• And a new favorite, confetti and all- Groovy’s- Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
  

Tiger Lily to the elusive "club."