Four Eyes

With all the buzz around Sarah Palin's glasses, I decided that I would like to share some of my own observations about cool eye-wear. I want to preface my entry by saying that this is not a political blog, and I just want to discuss the glasses!

What intrigues me, is that Sarah Palin is the only person in history to wear cool glasses, and people still think she is dumb. Tiger Lily. I have never before encountered such a phenomenon. Much like a British accent, glasses make people smarter, nerdier, more brilliant, more creative. For example:

1. Benjamin Franklin glasses. Isn't he the one that invented bi-focals? Electricity? The United States... something like that, but really smart.

2. The "coke-bottle" glasses. These glasses are worn by a skinny kid and are probably broken in the middle, held together with a piece of white tape . You know this kid is a nerd. And by nerd, I mean rocket-scientist later in life.

3. The 1950's glasses. You know the ones. Every grandad had a pair. Even the smarty pants lawyer in JFK wore them.

4. Librarian glasses. These are probably bifocals and are worn on the tip of the nose. Not only is this librarian smart, but she is mean. This might be a thought for Palin...

5. Tina Fey glasses. She may be the person that made glasses chic. She wasn't necessarily a nerd, but you thought her comedy writing was that much wittier when she delivered her 'Weekend Updates' from behind these stylish specs.

6. Ad guy's glasses: I work in an ad agency and I noticed at a conference in Kansas City two weeks ago that all the agency's owners and creative directors wore cool glasses. Without them, you might have thought they were bankers. With them, Ta-Da!-- creative genius. I bet this guy's in advertising.

Now enter Sarah Palin glasses. They just haven't had the same smartening effect that so many other trusted spectacles have in the past. Maybe she should try a British accent. Tiger Lily to Sarah Palin's glasses.

Little Rock Traffic Engineers

No, this is not a picture of the digital traffic boards recently erected in Little Rock. But they might as well be in Chinese.

It has been a while since I've posted, mainly because work has been a little busy, school has revved back up, the new fall fashions are out and football season is in full swing! This brings me to the latest Tiger Lily.

A few months ago, the metropolis of Little Rock erected 3 new digital traffic boards on our Interstate 630 thoroughfare, which is a whopping 7 miles long. I take 630 every morning and evening to and from work. Well, the Traffic Engineers of our great city decided that it would be a good use of tax payer dollars to put up these 3 digital boards-- and I still haven't quite figured out their real purpose.

At first, I thought, "Oh, these boards will let us know of traffic accidents so that we can choose an alternate route." However, they have never reported any accidents on the board, that I have seen, and even if they did that would be absurd. This strip of highway is only 7 miles long, by the time you reach one of those boards that might tell you there has been an accident, you are already stuck and will probably be past the accident before you find an exit to get off the highway. Ok, so they are not there to report traffic accidents.

Next, I noticed one morning that the boards were flashing, "Ozone Action Day." What a great idea Little Rock Traffic Engineers! Alert the public to the fact that it is an "Ozone Action Day" to encourage the citizens of Little Rock to carpool, take the bus or ride their bikes. Brilliant, only it's too late. We are already driving to work.

Then I thought, "Ah ha, they will use those digital boards for Arkansas football!" Now for those of you that are not Arkansans, although the Razorbacks call Fayetteville home, they play two games a year in Little Rock. This always jams up the traffic on 630, and although this is something that only happens on 2 of 365 days of the entire year, maybe the Engineers thought that this would be money well spent for Razorback fans. (We are a bit fanatical about those Hogs.) But, alas, the digital boards were not used to direct non-football traffic away from the stadium exit, instead, portable digital boards were brought in while the above mentioned, 3 permanent digital boards were benched. They were turned off that Saturday.

I don't know why this surprises me. I have lived in Little Rock for most of my life and have seen the brilliance of these Little Rock Traffic Engineers. Take the speed humps that they erected in every neighborhood in town to slow down traffic. Yes, I said "humps." This is what the city calls them on their Web site. They are humps because they are much wider than a traditional speed bump. Ironically, I can remember ramping these in high school because they don't exactly do much damage if you take them at high speed.

Then, the Engineers put in a number of "roundabouts" in Pleasant Valley Neighborhood. (After the speed humps did not have their desired effects.) These Little Rock "roundabouts" aren't exactly of London quality. This is because the Engineers did not increase the size of the intersections to create the "roundabouts," but instead placed a big concrete slab right in the middle with a sign that indicated that you had to drive around this concrete slab. You are a skilled driver if you can avoid hitting the curb while navigating these speed-deterrents.

No, I haven't gone "Ron-Paul" but sometimes I wonder why our city government is allowed to make these crazy decisions. Every time I get my paycheck and watch my precious money go to this great state, I start to wonder what it would be like if they had a lot less of our tax dollars to spend? Maybe a land without speed humps, roundabouts and useless, tiger-lilied digital traffic boards.

Longhorn Bull

Somehow my Longhorn Tiger Lily disappeared the other day. Conspiracy? I worried for a moment that the Big-Brother-Blogger-Moderator might live in Austin. Maybe. But I found it and re-posted.

Just for good measure I'd like to point out something very interesting... even some of the sports writers are calling the Longhorns "flaky."

Ok, I promise to get back to the Tiger Lily's-- this will be my last trash-talking for August.

http://www.bcsfootball.org/cfb/wcStory?contentId=8388646#story=8348812

Eco-Fatigue Update...

This writer at Advertising Age must have read my Tiger Lily, "The Going Green Fad", and been inspired. I say, "hooray!" to Ms. Jennifer Maxwell-Muir. And Ditto.

Check out her article. Good stuff.

http://adage.com/cmostrategy/article?article_id=130411

Future Longhorns- Little budding Tiger Lilies?

“Boomer Sooner!” Another hilarious story from the Longhorns, the pride of the state of Texas. Check out this story from a recent cheerleading camp that the Longhorns held on campus earlier this month:


http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/yahoolatestnews/stories/080708dntexcheerleaders.1d70ab35.html?npc


For those of you that didn’t click on the link, the short version of the story is this: 26 high school cheerleaders, aged 14-17 at Texas Cheer Camp, decided to squeeze into an elevator—just to see how many people they could fit inside. And surprise! After the elevator descended from the fourth floor to the first, it got stuck. Well, one of the girls fainted and a few others were treated at the scene after one cheerleader was able to wiggle out a cell phone to call for help.


What a brain-trust. I guess there really isn’t safety in numbers after all. But maybe I’m being too hard on the girls. Maybe I’ve just been lucky to avoid such an innocent, adolescent mistake. Maybe it’s just been my claustrophobic tendencies that have kept me safe from such tragedies. Or maybe it’s just common sense. But who can blame these girls?, they were just under the influence of the mighty-wise Longhorns.


One such wise University of Texas Director of Communications, Rhonda Weldon, was quoted as saying, “There are signs everywhere: No more than 15 people or 3,000 pounds. Take the sign seriously.” Ok, so the Director of Communications points out the obvious, thank you Director of Communications. I’m glad the paper called you for a quote. Now, what about the explanation we are all looking for… where were the Camp Counselors? Probably cheering them on, literally.


My favorite part of the whole story is that this all went down, again, both figuratively and literally, in Jester Hall. Oh what a perfect stage for these little fools to play out their parts.


And herein lies the irony. Texas is revered as being one of the best schools in this region and maybe even the nation. A UT Bachelor’s Degree, MBA or Law Degree is held in high regard. Well, I’m here to say that street smarts will out-wit book smarts any day.


This story was just teeming with Tiger Lily possibility, but, because the cheerleaders sadly played into the cheerleader stereotype so well, it didn't seem appropriate to give them an award for a "lovely contradiction." So instead, the Tiger Lily goes to the Director of Communications. Rhonda, it’s a good thing that UT has you to handle these delicate PR situations.

Law & Order = Complete Chaos

Click the following link before you start reading this, I insist.

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

Now we're ready. I'd like to give a Tiger Lily to Law & Order because it has created complete chaos in my life. Ironic and sad. Thank you Dick Wolf.

My husband has been out of town the last few days which has just intensified my Law & Order compulsion, but to be true, this affair has been going on for quite some time. While my husband finishes up his work at night, I sneak off to the bedroom to watch a few episodes. Not since Harry Potter have I been so obsessed with something meant to be entertaining. But it's my guilty pleasure. I blame the networks for their relentless supply of SVU's and Criminal Intents. Like waves crashing on the shore of my bedroom, they never stop coming. And I can't stop watching. Thank you USA.

I had big plans for this week. Matt would be out of town for three nights and I could do some laundry, go to the grocery store, read a book, get some work done at night without feeling guilty and maybe even go out to dinner with a girlfriend. But I needed a hit. After I dropped Matt off at the airport, I drove home thinking about laundry and Law & Order. They go hand-in-hand.

I would flip on USA and watch one episode. This is what is so wonderful about Law & Order. You don't have to keep up because there aren't any plot lines that extend beyond one program. It's in-and-out. One juicy plot, all unveiled and solved in one hour. Amazing. It's a show that doesn't require setting a DVR. Not to mention that they are on day and night. (Although setting the DVR is a plus, because if you have to get up to go to the bathroom, you can rewind it, not miss a minute--then fast forward through the commercials.)

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

Then one episode turned into two, and two into five. Now it was late at night and Olivia, Elliot and I were settling into bed with my last load of laundry still in the dryer. I hadn't gone to the store to get my usual Sunday load of groceries, but instead settled for a dinner of cereal with some almost-expired milk. Perfect. That's what Elliot would do.

So now my three nights are up, the house is a complete mess, the laundry is still in the dryer and my Love in the Time of Cholera book has yet to be cracked. But the cases were. One right after the other. I can just see Olivia looking at me with that concerned look like she does with the victim that won't report her attacker. In Law & Order's defense, it's a harmless television program that didn't mean to hurt me... it just keeps me up at night worrying that someone is trying to break into my house.

I'm pretty sure Detective Goren would be able to diagnose my addiction pretty quickly and get me to scream out my confession of Law & Order madness in no time. There might even be a syndrome for this one.

Well, I hereby find Law & Order guilty of a Tiger Lily. For something that has "order" in the title, this has really created a huge mess.

http://blog.rickbreslin.com/extras/doink_doink.wav

The Going Green Fad

I'm so tired of hearing businesses and people say, "We've gone green!" Can someone please define this for me? Because as far as I can tell, anybody can say they've gone green, slap a few spiral light bulbs in the office lamps, and presto-chango, they are environmentally friendly.

Americans seem to be a little hypocritical to me as this energy crisis looms. In fact, I think we're just a nation of hypocritical complainers. As this "green" fad grows, I find it ironic that the people around me, while working at these "green" businesses haven't done much to "green" their own lives. I'm just as guilty-- I'm part of an organization that values this "green" initiative and and I drive my SUV to work and then complain about high gas prices.

So, then I decided that I would not go "green." In fact, I was totally against "green." I'd gone "black." This is the color of oil and I love oil. I was going to drive around town with the a/c on full blast, buy my Diet Dr. Pepper from Sonic-- guiltlessly enjoying my Styrofoam cup, and run the water the entire time I brushed my teeth.

I even went as far as debating these "greenies." In my "going black" mindset, I told one of my good friends that I was tired of hearing people complain and that I was just going to drive my SUV and pay the dad-gum $4-a-gallon. Then I got my hand slapped: she insisted that some people couldn't afford these higher gas prices and that it was hard for the average working man to make ends-meet. Families were having a hard time putting food on the table and this was a serious crisis. Well, I felt bad. I must admit that I live a charmed life with many luxuries and I will be the first to say that I am very fortunate. I quieted down about "going black."

But after a few days and a good dose of CNN's complaining, I started thinking... I wonder what percentage of these people crying about gas prices have cable television? Smoke two packs a day? Eat out for lunch? The problem is, and I'm included, a lot of people expect to continue their live styles without making any sacrifices when the gas prices go up. Instead of "going green" I think we need to "get real." Even if we can afford the gas, maybe we should lower our consumption so that the prices will go down? Or at least just stop complaining! I'm no genius and don't pretend have the answers but I do think that each of us could do something. So I had to ask myself a tough question: What have I been doing in response to this crisis? Nothing.

So I weighed my options:

1. Run for Congress- not independently wealthy, so that's out of the question.

2. Buy a Vespa Scooter. Oooh, what a fun and fashionable option! But the hills in Little Rock and my driving record make this little more than a dream.

3. Carpool- well, I would burn just as much gas picking people up and I don't really want my car to bake in the local park-and-ride.

4. Have my husband take me to work. A chauffeur! Right, I'm sure he would love that.

5. Take the bus. Still the park-and-ride issue, but so far, the best option.

So today, I took the bus to work. Just to see. And I will have to say it was a lot of fun. The sacrifice I'm making is 30 minutes of sleep because it takes that much longer to get to work on the bus than it does for me to drive. However, I love books on tape and I'm sure I could answer a few e-mails on my blackberry during the trip. Maybe it's a lame effort and okay, so I'm only saving $50 a month by taking the bus, but Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

Well, before I get revolutionary, I'll have to remember it's only been one bus ride-- and I haven't even taken the return ride home. But we'll see. Until then, I'm giving "going green" a Tiger Lily until it means something more than a recycle bin and a lot of complaining.