Oh Oprah

I know that as soon as you saw her face, a lot of you out there got really nervous. "Oh no, she's going to make fun of Oprah." Don't worry, I'll only make fun of her a little bit. I'll just give Oprah a small Tiger Lily.

So just to get this out of the way, please know, I like Oprah. I like to watch her show, buy her endorsed books, build her endorsed bears, drive her give-away Pontiacs, aspire to her perfect spirituality, give as generously, and look as beautiful-- inside and out. Isn't she lovely? (Que Stevie Wonder. I think Oprah would like that.)

For Mother's Day, I bought my mother a subscription to O, Oprah's magazine. I was excited about it. It was one of those gifts you give and hope to borrow later. (How un-Oprah of me.) Anyway, my mom and I started talking about the fact that Oprah is on every single cover of her own magazine. And for some reason, this really bothered us. Isn't Oprah supposed to be supremely perfect? And isn't humility one of the attributes of a perfect person?

Well, I'm here to tell you what this is all about. Humility and godliness go hand-in-hand. And I don't mean the Gideon-type godliness. I mean the television-type. The brand-type. The Oprah-type. Oprah is her own brand. With out her name or her face the Oprah brand wouldn't be a brand at all. Her name and face have brand power. And by power, you know I mean money. Dollars. And lots of them.

Advertising Age wrote an article "How to get your brand on 'Oprah'" in its June 2008 issue. The article explains that "she is--by the estimate of PR pros who besiege her producers for a chance to have their brands reflect the warm light of Oprah's presence--the very pinnacle of product publicity." See, she is a goddess. She even has a "warm light." She is the goddess of product publicity and because her face and name carry such weight, she has to keep them front-and-center.

So who can blame her? This television goddess puts a book on the New York Times Best-seller List, boosts Dolly Parton's CD sales by 70% and puts Bourdreaux's Butt Paste on the map. And she is philanthropic too. She builds schools in South Africa, gives millions to charity and even has time for her top-rated "Oprah's Big-Give" on ABC.

I've just decided that my idea of "godliness" is a little less "capitalistic," I mean, complicated. Here are a few other Tiger-Lilish contradictions I see with Oprah:

• She endorses Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty." (A campaign by Ogilvy & Mather that I absolutely love) But every time you turn around, there is Oprah looking amazing. You wouldn't ever catch Oprah in her underware, on purpose.
  
  
  
  
• She endorses Barack Obama. Now listen up! This is not political. I'm just pointing out the fact, that for a woman who won't marry a man, bashes men and is the voice of the middle-class woman, isn't it a little ironic that she would endorse a male over a female candidate? For crying out loud, her July issue of O has an article, "Men! What are They Thinking?!"
  
• She endorses everything from butt paste to books. And then has shows about how to de-clutter.
  

But, alas, everybody loves her. And despite these contradictions, I love her too. Although I really love watching Ellen dance and at least she can joke about her endorsements. Watch out Oprah, here she comes. Enjoy your little Tiger Lily.