Emergency Vet Clinic$

Now, this is not Greta's failed attempt at a Flashdance costume, it's the legwarmer-leg look of a doggy-hospital patient. Her little hairy legs had to be shaved for the IV's.

Well our Holiday weekend had a little hiccup, to the tune of about $700. And after all the worry, tears and a little bit of anger, here we are with one sick puppy-- literally.

Little Greta (she weighs 4.6 pounds) has been having stomach trouble for about a month. I boarded her for six days when Matt and I went to Napa Valley and she hasn't been healthy since. I could record all of the gory details, but believe me, we've cleaned up a number of things that I'm sure no Resolve, Stanly Steamer or Act of God will ever get out of our carpet. Needless to say, we've been battling this stomach bug for some time.

So fast forward to the Thursday night before Forth of July when I got off work. I came home to find a number of treasures stashed all over the house. Loads of them. Matt informed me that he too had the pleasure of picking up one of her "unfortunates" earlier in the day. Now, although a rational person would conclude, "she's sick" I was beginning to believe that this was normal for a little dog. I picked it all up, gave her a kiss and went on about the evening.

Now poodles are smart. (So I'm told. Sometimes I think Greta Boomer would have been a short bus kid if she were a child, but she has her moments of genius.) So her shining intellectual moment this weekend came when she finally communicated to me that she needed some serious help. She pooped right at my feet while I made dinner. Again, details aside, panic ensued and I snatched her up to hurry to the Emergency Vet.

Now I'm feeling all of the emotions of a worried parent, because being sans-child, Greta is my baby. I felt guilty, worried and panicky as Matt drove us to the Emergency Vet. Cue the "Money ain't a thang" music. Because this is how I felt. No matter what, we were going to make her better.

We walk in and they have us fill out the paper work which I couldn't possibly do, so Matt scribbled away. I watched a huge white mutt-of-a-dog being cared for by three midget sized adults with a bath towel. Being snobby, I got irritated when the little owner man bent over "Copenhagen" (of course, it's Arkansas) to check out the damage from the dog-fight, exposing his entire rear end. This was the beginning of our wonderful three-hour experience.

Finally, we were ushered into the holding cell, I mean, exam room, and shut away to wait it out. Everything in the entire room was puke green and plastic; as if we were waiting in the drunk tank in the county jail. Finally, the little pancreatitis test that looked suspiciously like a pregnancy test, came back a light shade of green, confirming that Greta did NOT have pancreatitis. The blood panel also came back with no conclusive diagnosis and by 10:30 p.m., we were buying (literally) a very convincing plea from the baldest of doctors to let them keep her over night.

Well, Daddy Warbucks stuck our little Greta with two IV's and a hefty bill by the time it was all over. Still, no indication of what was really wrong. She was released from the hospital with instructions to go see our regular vet the following morning, when she would be back from her 4th of July holiday.

First thing this morning, we took her straight away to our wonderful veterinarian, Laura Mahaffey. She took one quick sample (an uncomfortably probing endeavor) and diagnosed Greta with HGE. Basically, this is a really bad irritation of the bowels. She said that it could be very dangerous and sent us home with an antibiotic, for $60. Then, not meaning to add insult to injury, she informed us that if she kept a dog in her hospital for a week, she would probably not collect anything close to $700.

Now, I know this sounds like I'm just complaining about the cost, and I am, but I'm really glad that Greta is ok. She's wanted us to hold her all day and hasn't eaten much. As you can see by the photo, I had trouble typing because of my little sicko. She's not out of the woods yet, but we think she's going to recover. No thanks to Daddy Warbucks. I know this is a stretch, but Tiger Lily to the Emergency Vet that pumped some fluids for $700. I mean the irony here is that they are supposed to help you, not send you into bankruptcy.

The Jolie Phenomenon

She has a unique beauty, a mysterious and captivating shyness about her and a flair for humanitarian efforts! Forget about Tomb Raider and that weird Billy Bob Blood thing, I think I like Angelina Jolie. I think I like her a lot. She seems so nice, so pretty. Right away I wanted to see the pictures of Shiloh. Recently I've even considered a cool tattoo down my back- it's chic. No, I wouldn't kiss my brother on the lips, but it's ok for her. It's not weird, it's just a gesture of love, right?

And it was out of this mesmerized fog that I got snapped right back into reality when my cousin dropped this Tiger Lily nomination on me:

From Gina on Angelina Jolie:
"For someone the media is making out to be this glowing maternal goddess and heroic humanitarian, I'd just like to remind them of the bizarre behavior she's repeatedly shocked us with in her not-so-distant past....drug videos, open confessions of weird sexual encounters, making out with her brother, wearing a vile of her husbands blood to show devotion, etc, etc. Has the public so quickly forgiven and forgotten all of this?

In addition, the way she picks these poor kids up like souvenirs and thrusts them into her odd world is not heroic or maternal, it's sad and selfish and a little shady. There's just no telling what kind of psychological trauma they will be sorting through in 10 years. And for someone who insists she's interested in keeping a low profile, she continues to pull one attention-grabbing stunt after another. Coincidence? I think not. So before she's nominated as woman-of-the-year, I just felt she deserved to be nominated for a more appropriate award - a tiger lily!"





At first, I was a little defensive. That is some strong language about my girl. After all, Angie's helping people in New Orleans. But, UN ambassador or not, the facts are the facts. I immediately went to one of the greatest sources of accurate and thorough information, People magazine. Their online magazine has a number of features which have come in very handy for me, as I track Jay-Z and Beyonce's every move, so naturally, I went there for my information. Here is Jolie's biography:

http://www.people.com/people/angelina_jolie/biography

After reading her bio, and now out of my transfixed state, there is no doubt in my mind, Angelina Jolie deserves a Tiger Lily. And not because she is so strange and yet so revered, but because she has been able to do what no one else I have ever known has been able to do: She is has overcome her past without totally separating herself from it. I mean, she's in the public eye and there's no "fresh start" or "clean slate" for this movie star.

Here's the thing. In my experience, once labeled a strange-cat, always a strange-cat. Last time I checked, the kid that talked about maggots in the 5th grade and ate his scabs for lunch is still not voted "most popular" at his high school reunion. Instead, they give him "most changed" and then avoid him in the punch line. That's why, as I watch all of the mania unfold about Angelina Jolie, I am astounded at how quickly people have been able to forgive and forget.

This acceptance of Angelina has me in deep thought about our society's criteria for forgiveness and redemption. What is it about Angelina? How is it that people are so easily mesmerized by her? Maybe she's just beautiful and beauty affords great forgiveness in our society. Or maybe it's just that we like to see Brad happy again. I myself have been taken in by her charms and I just can't explain why I'm able to look past those Goth years.




As my 10 year high school reunion creeps ever-closer and people sympathize with me when I say I'm not so interested in going, it makes me wonder: How did Angelina escape with only a few cutting scars and few not-so-great tattoos? Looks like we'll never know. Unless, of course, People decides to enlighten us.

Thanks for the nomination Gina, Tiger Lily #7 to Angelina Jolie. Hmm. #7, a lucky number--maybe this explains the Jolie phenomenon.

The RSS Feed/ The Devil

I am taking a class this summer about some of the new technology out there to help us in our quest for information, our ability to collaborate, to be efficient, blah blah blah. My group decided to investigate these crazy little things called "RSS feeds." Until this class, I have been living a blissfully (albeit ignorant) "RSS-free" life. Somehow I was completely able to ignore this:

Be warned: If you read on, you too will know about:

And I'm here to tell you, there's no going back! Just like Neo, you swallow that pill and your life is changed forever. You will begin noticing them on almost every Web site you visit. And you'll click on them. You will subscibe to something like GoogleReader to gather all of these RSS Feeds and you will begin talking in code: My feeds, these aggregators, your podcast, Joe's blog...

So if you are confused about what all of these terms mean, please take a look at the following wiki page. http://coolgroup.wikispaces.com/Sarah's+research+on+RSS The author, Sarah, does a great job of explaining what "RSS" really is. Here is an excerpt from her page:

"You can think of RSS as TiVo (or DVR) for your computer. TiVo and DVR work through your cable television box to record your favorite programs. They recognize when your shows are on and automatically save them so you can watch at your convenience. RSS functions in much the same way. An RSS aggregator monitors your favorite websites, blogs, and podcasts for new content and collects the new information for you to view at any time. Rather than having to visit each of your favorite sites to see what’s new, you can visit your RSS aggregator (also known as an RSS reader) to see all of the new content from all of your favorite sites. Check out this video from YouTube for a great introductory tutorial on using RSS:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0klgLsSxGsU&feature=email

I have decided to give The RSS Feed a Tiger Lily. For something that was supposed to help simplify my life, it has now overwhelmed it. This little award looks so much like an RSS Feed that I want to click on it.

Take a look at my friend's blog posting about Facebook. http://www.angryczeck.com/2008/05/facebook-has-me-by-throat.html Please don't go to this blog if you are faint-of-heart, but I had to link to it, because similarly, I too am addicted. I am so addicted that I'm mad at my husband every day because he refuses to join. People probably think I'm lying when I've posted my Relationship status as "Married." In a pathetic effort to prove his existence I've posted numerous pictures of him. Also, I obsess day and night about whether or not he's read my most recent blog entry. In fact, he should set up an RSS Feed of my blog. Of course, he'll have to set up GoogleReader first. Now re-reading what I've just written, realizing how crazy that sounds, I remember why I married him in the first place, what a wise man.

So maybe this should be a Tiger Lily for all technology. Maybe I should award myself a Tiger Lily for being so completely taken in by all of this. But in my defence I'm not the only one. One of my old high school classmates, David, recently wrote (on Facebook of course) that he was going around the house naming everything an "i" something before Apple could. For instance, he had his iToaster hooked up, was watching his iTV while listening to his iRadio... you get the picture. This was hilarious to me because it is so true. It's inevitable-- technology is taking over. Pretty soon we won't be able to carry on regular f2f conversations. And I'll have to go to sites like www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm just to make it through life. 4COL.

Well, enough of this. TTFN. I've got to go check my GoogleReader. Tiger Lily to Technology.

Oh Oprah

I know that as soon as you saw her face, a lot of you out there got really nervous. "Oh no, she's going to make fun of Oprah." Don't worry, I'll only make fun of her a little bit. I'll just give Oprah a small Tiger Lily.

So just to get this out of the way, please know, I like Oprah. I like to watch her show, buy her endorsed books, build her endorsed bears, drive her give-away Pontiacs, aspire to her perfect spirituality, give as generously, and look as beautiful-- inside and out. Isn't she lovely? (Que Stevie Wonder. I think Oprah would like that.)

For Mother's Day, I bought my mother a subscription to O, Oprah's magazine. I was excited about it. It was one of those gifts you give and hope to borrow later. (How un-Oprah of me.) Anyway, my mom and I started talking about the fact that Oprah is on every single cover of her own magazine. And for some reason, this really bothered us. Isn't Oprah supposed to be supremely perfect? And isn't humility one of the attributes of a perfect person?

Well, I'm here to tell you what this is all about. Humility and godliness go hand-in-hand. And I don't mean the Gideon-type godliness. I mean the television-type. The brand-type. The Oprah-type. Oprah is her own brand. With out her name or her face the Oprah brand wouldn't be a brand at all. Her name and face have brand power. And by power, you know I mean money. Dollars. And lots of them.

Advertising Age wrote an article "How to get your brand on 'Oprah'" in its June 2008 issue. The article explains that "she is--by the estimate of PR pros who besiege her producers for a chance to have their brands reflect the warm light of Oprah's presence--the very pinnacle of product publicity." See, she is a goddess. She even has a "warm light." She is the goddess of product publicity and because her face and name carry such weight, she has to keep them front-and-center.

So who can blame her? This television goddess puts a book on the New York Times Best-seller List, boosts Dolly Parton's CD sales by 70% and puts Bourdreaux's Butt Paste on the map. And she is philanthropic too. She builds schools in South Africa, gives millions to charity and even has time for her top-rated "Oprah's Big-Give" on ABC.

I've just decided that my idea of "godliness" is a little less "capitalistic," I mean, complicated. Here are a few other Tiger-Lilish contradictions I see with Oprah:

• She endorses Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty." (A campaign by Ogilvy & Mather that I absolutely love) But every time you turn around, there is Oprah looking amazing. You wouldn't ever catch Oprah in her underware, on purpose.
  
  
  
  
• She endorses Barack Obama. Now listen up! This is not political. I'm just pointing out the fact, that for a woman who won't marry a man, bashes men and is the voice of the middle-class woman, isn't it a little ironic that she would endorse a male over a female candidate? For crying out loud, her July issue of O has an article, "Men! What are They Thinking?!"
  
• She endorses everything from butt paste to books. And then has shows about how to de-clutter.
  

But, alas, everybody loves her. And despite these contradictions, I love her too. Although I really love watching Ellen dance and at least she can joke about her endorsements. Watch out Oprah, here she comes. Enjoy your little Tiger Lily.

Ba da ba ba baaa, I'm lovn' it!

I’m lovin’ the fact that McDonald’s is acting like this idea of chicken for breakfast is their own!

About two weeks ago, McDonald’s Corporation introduced their brand new, exciting, revolutionary, non-conformist, out-of-the-box menu items: the chicken biscuit and chicken sandwich! I can’t believe it. I’ve never, ever thought about having chicken for breakfast, or even in a sandwich. I’m so glad their new ad campaign has really embraced this “Let’s Hear it for Non-conformity!” idea.

Well hold on. Chick-Fil-A Executives are probably wondering the same thing I am: Didn’t Chick-Fil-A introduce these yummy chicken biscuits in 1984? Tiger Lily.

Now I know that some could argue that McDonald’s revolutionized fast-food chicken. They introduced the chicken “McNuget” in the 1950’s and then rolled it up in a tortilla about two years ago and had an instant success: the Snack Wrap. But for them to claim the chicken biscuit and chicken sandwich as their own is totally ludicrous. They didn’t even put their own twist on the sandwich. The biscuit is sans condiments, butter only. And the sandwich has butter and pickles only. How original.

McDonald’s executives are simply following the trends. And following the money. According to the analysts who watch this stuff, Americans are eating more chicken because of its perceived healthiness and its versatility. (This is also Tiger Lilyish in nature.) First, we think that this new fried chicken sandwich of only 420 calories is healthier than the good old cheeseburger. Oh, and it is! It will save us from an extra 20 calories. Secondly, we like chicken better than beef because we’re bored with beef. Chicken can be rolled into a tortilla, minced up and congealed into a nugget and even diced for a salad.

In fact, this trend to chicken isn’t new, McDonald’s has been moving in this direction for over five years. The last big burger roll out was in 2001: the Big N’ Tasty. But since 2003, they have added something chicken to their menu every year.

So come on. “Let’s hear it for non-conformity.” Why don’t they just say, “Think outside the bun!”? Oh, wait.

Maybe it’s just because I like to cheer for the underdog, or maybe it’s because I adore their cleaver marketing campaign with the cows. But I think that McDonald’s shouldn’t use the tagline, “Let’s hear it for non-conformity” because that’s exactly what they’re doing: conforming. They’re stealing the chicken biscuit!

Please, when you get hungry for breakfast tomorrow and you plan to drive through for a little fried chicken, don't conform, go to Chic-Fil-A.

Clothes are getting jacked and Lindsay has sticky fingers... Tiger Lily time.

My apologies to my friend Sarah who nominated Ms. Lindsay Lohan for a Tiger Lily weeks ago when the trail was still hot. Or at least the mink coat she was wearing was hot. It seems that Lindsay has expensive tastes on a rehab-drained budget. But stealing? Really? Enough said. Tiger Lily.

Sephora and JC Penny

Now this is rich! JC Penney and Sephora have joined forces to bring the Sephora brand of beauty into JC Penney stores. No, I take that back. This is not rich, this is so cheap. My market place of beauty, my plethora of fragrance, my haven of skin care and hair products has been contaminated by the stench of Jaque Penne. Thus, I now award Sephora and JC Penney their very own Tiger Lilies.

The last time I remember being excited about anything "JC Penney" was the Christmas catalogue I thumbed through as a kid in 1984. With my red marker in hand, I couldn't wait to circle all the toys that I thought Santa might bring. But as an adult, the JC Penney brand doesn't exactly bring forth that good "butterfly effect." Instead, it actually induces the Ashton Kutcher type of "Butterfly Effect" and if you haven't seen the movie, trust me, Ashton didn't like the way this one made him feel.

Now, I've tried to be objective. I've tried to sort through some "Worthington" and "Arizona Jean Company" threads. But it's just not my bag. Maybe I'd rather a snooty salesperson ignore me at an expensive boutique than search for the one JC Penney salesperson that is taking her lunch break at 3:15. It's just not a place of style.

But Sephora. Oh, Sephora. Now there's a brand with style. It's an oasis of beauty in the hustle and bustle of the retail world. It's a clean, fresh, hip pink-and-black haven of refreshment where you can sample any type of makeup or perfume that you could ever think of. Customers enter and hope prevails. A hope that you will finally find the concealer that will cover your sun-spot, a hope that you will smell that perfect scent your neighbor always wears, the hope that they will actually have the Nar's lipstick. It's that butterfly effect that you once had for the JC Penney catalogue. Sephora even sounds like euphoria. All women love it.

Now enter your local JC Penney and you will see how this union of style and Arizona Jean Company is such a "Tiger Lily." I had to go see for myself. Had this really happened? Had they really put a Sephora in my local, Stack-and-Rack, Baby's R Us! laden shopping center? Sadly, yes. And although it was as clean and fresh as the first Sephora I discovered in London, it was such an imitation. It was a fourth of the size of a normal Sephora and only carried the lower-end brands. When I inquired with the (very helpful and nice actually) sales lady, she told me that they did not carry the "Nors" (this is how she pronounced it) lipstick.

Disaster. I don't know if the style of Sephora is strong enough to overcome these new surroundings. Maybe there's a reason that JC Penney's old tag line, "It's All Inside" resonated with me so much. Because maybe it should all stay inside.

But maybe Sephora will allow it's style to ooze through our local JC Pennies. After all, isn't that exactly what the brand needs? Their new tag line, "Every Day Matters" is exactly right. Every day that they are still in business, they have the opportunity to infuse the store with style. In 2006, they partnered with Sephora. In 2008, Ralph Lauren himself launched his "American Living" brand that is now in stores nationwide. Maybe that hopeful feeling that every woman gets when she enters a Sephora will become characteristic of JC Penney.

Here's to hoping. Congrats JC Penney/Sephora on your Tiger Lilies.